Once More With Feeling
by Annie-marie6
Summary: Fem-Harry has been Voldemort before but now she's woken up in an all new reality where he's only just resurrected himself. Complete with parents, and a sibling that's the supposed boy-who-lived read as Catalina Potter lives through the war yet again, once more with feeling! - Yes the summary sounds cheesy even to me but be kind and give it a go. please? pout.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No horcruxes, fem-harry and AU literally.**

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

They avoided me now, I didn't know how to handle what was going on. Voldemort had resurrected himself, I had a brother who was the supposed _boy_-who-lived and after the week of me upping and disappearing every time they tried to talk to me about what happened with Voldemort they'd stopped trying. They being my parents.

Yeah, my name is Catalina Rose Potter and after fighting and defeating Voldemort I was suddenly and unexplainably dumped into another reality to live it all over again. I was surrounded by dead people, I thought with a shudder and here we go again.

"I think I hate me," I said definitively as I pieced together my other self's life. I sounded shy, bland, cowardly and barely there at all. My grades had been atrocious and I had no friends because I had been socially inept. My parents had obviously tried to love us both but my brother Eric, smug, arrogant little prick he was, still was the favourite and with the personality exhibited by other me I wasn't surprised. Enough was enough. I couldn't in my own head refer to them as mum and dad for some reason, probably because my mum and dad had died for me and they weren't them.

The juvenile posters lining my wall were ripped unceremoniously off, my childish sheets with moving wizarding cartoons were tossed on the floor, books, figurines, games and all other manor of childish rubbish was packed into boxes and cleared away.

"Catalina, what are you doing?" Lily demanded as she saw my bare room and the money sitting on my bed. I wanted to say growing up, instead I said.

"Distracting myself and redecorating," I said shrugging. Her face softened and she tossed me a card.

"Stay close to the house," she said letting me leave the house. I pulled on a coat and made my way to the mall. I got myself a new wardrobe, combat clothes as well as sexy ones, casual and formal. Shoes and boots joined the list. Make-up was shoved into a bag and I picked up paint and silk sheets. The thrift shop had some beautiful antiques and crystal figurines that seemed beautiful and exotic.

When I got home I managed a customary not hungry before pulling my room apart and everything away from the wall. The rose coloured walls were covered in a bluish grey and the ceiling looked like a galaxy swirl. It took a week but I needed the time to think. I barely spoke to anyone that came and Sirius had taken to curling up on my bed in dog form.

When the walls dried I pushed all the furniture back, made the bed with the silver silk sheets and put up my figurines, an entire wall was free for me to use as a planning wall. I showered and dressed in a pair of blue skinny jeans, a tank top, eyeliner lined my eyes and I fishtailed my long inky black hair down my right shoulder.

"Catalina Rose Potter, what are you wearing?" James yelled when he caught sight of me.

"Clothes," I said in a deadpan voice picking up the prophet. More sly little comments designed to make me uncomfortable, "The man running our country is a moron," I sighed.

"Since when have you cared much for politics?" Eric sneered. I just looked at him to say you cannot possibly be that stupid. If I was going to get people's act together I was going to have to wait until Hogwarts, because that was where it started last time. In the shadows that the hallways created.

"Kids, there's something that I want to talk to you about, you know that we moved back to London for a reason right?" Lily asked gently.

"You're moving the order in here," I finished, "You really weren't that discrete when you were talking about it." I added the last part when they looked at me suspiciously. It was strange to watch things from this perspective, I thought to myself. Was this how it had been done in my old dimension except to me?

Eric syndrome, I decided to call it. The fact that I was the one to meet Voldemort didn't matter, they saw Eric and suddenly the world revolved around him. He was the boy-who-lived. I wanted to laugh, they could think and wish that all they wanted, I know I did, but I still had the scar.

"It's not fair, I want to know what's going on," Eric whined that night at dinner, "I deserve to because he's going to be after me now he's back." If he hadn't milked being the boy-who-lived at every chance he got I might have felt sympathetic. As it stood I didn't.

"They're not going to tell you," I said irritated, "If you want to know so bad figure it out yourself."

"Shut up," he snapped, "Even if they did tell me there's no reason for them to tell you."

"Yes, I saw the snake-faced bastard return and yet your well thought out argument is completely logical," I said drolly, "How silly of me." I was chastised for my language but I didn't care.

"And don't you forget it," he said smugly and while all of his little friends, that used to be my friends in another world ranged from surprised at his stupidity (Hermione) and nodding along with what he was saying (everyone else).

"That's enough, bed all of you," Mrs Weasley snapped before they could begin arguing about hearing more information.

"Not you Catalina," James said as the rest filled out of the kitchen. I waited before they were all out of the room before I spoke.

"Please tell me that you dropped Eric on his head as a baby?" I asked seriously, making tiny giggles being drawn from the less mature, before they silenced on the serious matter that we were about to discuss.

"That's the first time that you've brought it up since it happened," Lily pointed out softly.

"It's not a great memory," I said flatly, "So are you really surprised by the fact that I'm not chatty Kathy about it?"

"We still expected… something," James said finally, "Just anything… you can talk to us you know."

"Why? You won't talk to me," I returned before turning to leave them gobsmacked, "Goodnight."

"You're going to figure it out for yourself," Moody grunted, hazarding a guess.

"Well I have got all the pieces, unless you're going to save me the trouble," I answered candidly. They looked at me in surprise and something clicked in James.

"Let hear it," he said in a funny voice. I turned the seat around and sat so in could lean my arms on the chair while still face forward. Alright, I thought why the hell not? The eavesdroppers at the door might learn something important.

"Ok," I said calmly, "The dork lord was talking about recruiting all kinds of dark creatures, giant's, werewolves', dementor's, excreta, excreta. At a guess Hagrid's taken off to talk to the giants with Madam Maxine, I could probably figure out the rest but moving on."

"How do you know this?" Tonks asked in a quiet voice, eyeing me strangely.

"I was traumatised not deaf," I retorted, "You lot have been on about guard duty for weeks, something to do with the Department of Mysteries. There's a lot down there, but whatever it is we can't get it. If we could take it we wouldn't standing guard. On the flip side it looks like it's something they can't take either. If I really wanted to know I'd need a field trip and I have a feeling that'd end badly for everyone."

"You're nowhere near done are you?" Lily asked in a dazed voice, her face slightly paling.

"Nope. There are a few of you that work at the ministry, you're not saying that you believe his back because they'll sack you," I continued, "However if you run around like ignorant sheep that believe everything the prophet tells them then you'll be able to get intel that could be invaluable. A changed law, an overheard conversations. Bad guys go where the power is, and the politicians have the power."

"So you believe that shutting up is the right course of action?" James said furiously.

"I believe that you pick who does the rallying, because sometimes lifesaving information is just office gossip," I said after a moment, "Dumbledore is screaming the truth at the top of his lungs but the world is too scared to believe it. So they'll ignore it until someone with the power to do something about it sees Mouldy-shorts with their own eyes."

"Where are all these nicknames coming from?" Sirius said with faint amusement clouding his eyes, "And is there anything else you want to share with the class Miss Potter?"

"Yeah, find someone to fill the defence post before the ministry does or us students, are all screwed," I said blandly. They looked confused and started protesting.

"Why?" Kingsley asked curiously. I blew out a sigh and watched Mrs Weasley fume silently out of the corner of my eye. Oh well, there wasn't much she could do about it.

"Do I have to do all your thinking for you?" I asked him raising an eyebrow, "You're all clever boys and girls, figure it out."

"If you were of age I'd ask you to join," Moody said gruffly.

"If I were of age I'd say no," I returned. They squawked indignantly. "You want to know why?" I asked in a soft voice when they'd quieted down, "Let me give you a for instance. You're fighting multiple Death Eaters, ones got the first half of the killing curse on his lips and you have a clean shot, do you stun them or do you cast a severing charm and take their wand arm?"

"Stun," majority of them protested. I shook my head.

"Another Death Eater has snuck around while you're fighting someone else and revives them, your now fighting three Death Eaters by yourself, congratulations your now finger-paint coating a wall," I said in a toneless voice.

"I have back up," Tonks said trying to find a way out.

"They've disappeared into the fight and oh no, they've just killed someone you care about," I replied swiftly. She swallowed with a determined look.

"There alone," she countered.

"You've just sent them to prison and in a world where you're lucky enough to have this happen all the time Azkaban is now full of Death Eaters and he-who-must-not-be-gnomed has decided to launch a prison break," I said back, "Not only getting back every Death Eater you put there but those still loyal to him from the last go around."

"And if you severed there arm?" she asked in defeat.

"There in debilitating pain, should they work through that they won't have an arm to cast with," I said, "Even if they use their other hand there aim will be bad and that gives you the advantage and life is extended to you and you back up all round."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked and there was soft lilt in his voice that hinted at something that had my parents looking nervous. I met his gaze evenly.

"As sure as I am that those upstairs are listening to our every word," I replied honestly, and really that had been the plan. "Now if you'll excuse me," I said over there loud protesting, "I think it's time for me to go to bed now."

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><p><strong>I've read plenty of these types of stories when Harry or fem-Harry just shuts up and tries to blend. I figure given the right circumstances, like witnessing Voldemort's return would allow her some breathing room for change. What did you think? Review me. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is what happens when I read way too many HP Au's. Anyway this is a writing exercise so I can get on with writing Bloody Love, for those of you who like Vampire Diaries and Sailor Moon, go check it out.**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

When I shut the kitchen door behind me it didn't take much to follow the flesh colour string and look up to the landing where they stood huddled, frightened and confused looking, staring down at me with some kind of unrecognisable aura. For half a moment I was taken back to the summer before fifth year when that was us, standing on the decrepit landing that was number 12. I shook myself out of it, we were so naïve.

They were so full of emotions and turbulence that when I walked straight past them they didn't say anything. Merely followed me into the upstairs sitting room. They took seats on the couches and I found myself leaning against the fireplace waiting for the inevitable barrage of questions that were about to come my way.

"You sounded like you knew," Eric hissed finally, "How could you possibly know?"

"Because I saw it, and I paid attention," I said in a constrained voice.

"Once doesn't cut it," Ginny protested childishly and it pained me to see the woman I had known reduced to this level of stupidity.

"That doesn't matter," George said, "What matters is that we were listening."

"And you knew we were listening," his twin pitched in.

"And you didn't call us out even though you told us to figure it out for ourselves," he finished.

"He doesn't care about his followers, he doesn't care about who gets in his way. He's insane, powerful and dangerous," I said pointblank, "Get smart or get scarce." I poured myself a glass of firewhiskey even though I had never been overly fond of the stuff and took a drink.

"That's dads," Eric said protesting loudly.

"And you're not going to say a word about it," I cut him off, "Why, because you want me to keep talking and if I have to put this down I'm leaving." He stilled, as if assessing whether or not I was serious about it or not before nodding in defeat.

"You're grades are atrocious," Hermione said speaking up for the first time, something that had shocked me to tell the truth, "You can't do the spell in class and you're brutality unlucky in potions. Yet somehow you walk around as if you have the skill to fight Death Eaters."

"Did you ever think that maybe I just didn't want to deal with Eric's tantrum if I ever did better than him at anything?" I asked, Eric screwed his face up and prepared to scream up a storm. "You're proving my point already," I said honestly. His mouth closed with a snap.

"But why would you flunk your grades like that on someone else's expectations," Hermione said horrified. I took another deep drink.

"For the same reason that they do," I said indicating to the twins, "Because it's expected and because you can retake your O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's at the ministry whenever you like."

"Then if you know how to fight so well, and you're so smart then teach us," Ron said passionately, some thing's it seemed never changed. I inhaled sharply. There was a thought, but then I refused to teach thoughtless children so that could let themselves get slaughter for glory and fame.

"No," I said firmly.

"I'm sorry," Eric demanded, "We may not get along but we're family and you have knowledge that could help us beat Voldemort." If he's said saved lives I would have, but they still need to learn.

"Then give me a reason, not fame and not glory. One reason, just a little ones enough and I'll do it," I said, all you have to do is mean it."

"And if we didn't really?" Neville asked.

"I wouldn't do a damn thing," I said truthfully, "Because you'd still die anyway."

"Even me, I'm your brother and I know we don't get along but could you really do that," he said angrily. I wanted to punch him in the face and knock some sense into him, but I didn't. I merely swallowed the remaining half a glass of firewhiskey and enjoyed the burn.

"Even you, but you're right you are my brother so I'm going to give you some advice," I said refilling my glass, "A first year levitation spell can kill as easy as the killing curse if you use it properly." With that I left the stunned assembly and went to bed. I glanced down at the full glass in my hand and realised something with a jolt. Two glasses of whiskey were not going to be enough. That night I dreamed.

_Ginny was hanging by her insides, swaying methodically. Blood making that horrible splatting noise as it hit the floor. Panic set in. Then it changed to somewhere else._

"_You killed a little girl," Hermione screamed at the red head._

"_She was going to suffer in agony for the rest of her life, I did what had to be done and I had mercy on her," she hissed back, "And you know that." The dead six year old muggleborn lay on the floor twisted on her side, she must have suffer so bad. _

"_Gin, Mione," I said standing in between the two furious women and using my personal nicknames for them, "We need to leave." Hermione flounced off and Gin stood by my side. "She just hate's the circumstances," I said softly as we followed._

"_I know," she replied. It flickered back to her body again. Slow and far away something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't unfreeze myself long enough to take my eyes off her._

"_You shouldn't," I started, sitting in the middle of out makeshift base in the forbidden forest, Gin cut me off. _

"_Drink, smoke and fuck my way through the little time left in this hell we call life?" she asked rhetorically. I tugged the bottle out of her hands and slugged back a mouthful._

"_I was going to say hog the vodka," I laughed, it sounded brittle though and she joined in. Then I was back at the house where we found her body. Splat, before noise burst through my ears. A litany of dark curses, screaming, the spray of blood and chunks of flesh, warmth coating my face as flashes of light and blurred images fought the darkness. Then it was gone._

_I opened my eyes again and Ginny was swinging from the roof. There was no noise and my stomach swirled violently. I could feel myself gasp but I couldn't hear it. Her dulled brown eyes mad ice settle in my veins._

"_Gin," I whispered raggedly, almost jumping when I could hear it. Then slowly I turn to Luna who was standing next to me. Her eyes were wide and her face was deadly pale, mouth hanging slightly open. Then the sound kicked in and all I could hear was her devastated high pitched scream._

I lurched upwards in bed, icy cold and terror gelling in my blood. I shook and my breath came out in ragged pants, as I leant over until my forehead touched the silk comforter. I had to get out of here, I thought shakily. I threw some clothes and make-up (to cover the shadows under my eyes and my scar) on and slipped downstairs and out the door.

I was having nightmares about another reality while strangers walked around wearing my friend's faces. I found myself in a tattoo parlour that was somehow still open at four in the morning. The man behind the desk, werewolf my numbed brain supplied me, asked what I wanted.

"I need to get inked," I said in an odd voice. My hand sketched what I wanted roughly on a piece of paper and he copied it on to my back. Soon there was nothing but a burning sensation and the buzz have the machine in the background. A glass of double black vodka – thank god, in my hand.

"All done love," he said in rough voice, wolfish smile directed at me. I needed something, something to remind me that nothing was impossible.

"Thank you," I murmured, gazing at the artistry on my back. The night sky, with clouds and stars. Three children, a pixie and the original lost boy sitting on the minute hand of Big Ben and in the distance two dermal piercings that shone like diamonds or stars, my mind supplied.

"I quite like the design idea," he said as I fished for the card my mother gave me, "Second,"

"Star to the right and straight on till morning," I said along with him.

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><p><strong>I have no idea where Peter Pan came from but I like it. Review me and tell me what you think.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: So here's yet another chapter. I feel the urge to keep writing but it is officially morning time and it's time for all kiddywinks, physically and mentally, to be in bed. Also, heads up, beware the snark.**

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

He didn't let me pay and the idea of a werewolf not hard up for cash was surprising enough to say the least but it gave me money to spend on other things, now that the sun had come up. It was barely seven o'clock in the morning but still businesses were open.

It didn't matter which way you span it, to win this war we needed money. It was the ugly truth. Money that I no longer had access to now that my parents were alive. Another fact, but I was grateful that I wasn't dead. It still didn't change the fact that now I had to do something completely game changing that I hadn't even resorted to in my last life.

Gringott's informed me that I was the magical heir to the Lady Morgana, time to see if that was still true. I made my way through the entrance hall and requested an heirs test. They pricked my finger and sure enough, among all my other lineage, there it was.

"Would you like us to fetch the ring, Miss Potter?" the goblin that I was sure I'd seen die somewhere before (and really that wasn't saying much I'd seen most people die somewhere before) asked.

"Yes please," I said politely. The ring was dainty and sliver, covered in amethysts and black diamonds. When I slipped it on, I almost fell over from the sheer magical backlash. My vision blurred and the ice that had been residing in my veins was burned out with black flames. I took a deep gasp that sounded somehow musical and finally the feeling passed. I could still feel the magic throbbing from within me but it wasn't overwhelming anymore.

"Lady Le Fay," the goblin said kneeling. A hand flew to cover my mouth as I looked at him in shock.

"You don't have to do that, if you could stand up please?" I asked as politely as I could. They nodded in surprise and stood. The folder they handed me had the contents of an obscenely rich person's vault that had been collecting interest for over a thousand years or so. Not to mention whatever artefacts or books that were in there and property that I was in the middle of organising.

"I'll need a bank card hooked up to the vault immediately and I'd like to check what else is in there if I may," I asked softly.

"Of course, and if I may, Lady Le Fay," Bloodbringer asked, "You might want to check your appearance before you return home." There was a glass mirror to the side of the office that I made my way to.

"My name is Catalina, you don't have to worry with all the Lady Le Fay stuff," I told him before I stopped in shock. I had physically changed, not enough that I couldn't pass it off on puberty but enough for me to know I shouldn't have looked like this even if I did grow up. My hair was somehow so much darker than it was, falling to my hips in loose curls. My skin was whiter and seemed to look like fresh milk, and my eyes were brighter. I didn't think that was possible.

I traced my waist that curved in at an almost obscene angle. I was still short but my legs were longer. I was firmer, toner but not at all skinny, I realised turning to the side. I had an ass, it sat there sort of… up and happy, my brain supplied deliriously. I looked at my chest. Where did my C, closer to B cups go?

"My ancestor's magical inheritance gave me a boob job," I said in a dazed voice. Bloodbringer looked like her was trying to restrain laughter, which of course set me off. "You can laugh, it's ridiculous," I said and we… a witch and a goblin both laughed ourselves stupid. The purebloods would have an aneurism.

The trip to my vault cancelled because I had to get back and sneak into my room before anyone noticed I was missing but I promised to come back tomorrow or even later tonight. I stood in the shower of my adjoining bathroom at home and washed my longer and stronger hair.

I put it up in a bun and put on a pair of black stretchy yoga pants that I bought the other day, a tank top that wouldn't aggravate my tattoo and a jacket to cover it. I spent two days waiting for the others to say something but they spent most of the time having some sort of fierce internal debate.

As for the grown-ups, for all that I was in my mid-twenties in the other world they were a group I was not part of, studied me like a curious bug. It didn't bother me, it was easy to sneak out of the house, and they all just assumed that I was in my room.

I spent most of the time buying things. I went through my shiny new vault and found amazing book on magic, grimoires from witches living in the Camelot era. I stocked up on weapons and potion's ingredients, not to mention a slew of muggle stationary. I also stocked up on medical supplies, clothes that fit me and enough alcohol to down a dragon.

In my room I flittered the books on to my bookshelf, the secret room behind my walk in closet was converted into a potion's lab/med-bay/stash spot. The first time I did magic, since I got here anyway I almost killed myself and my wand exploded.

"Mother fucker," I whispered in a harsh voice. With shaking hands I thought what the hell, why not give it a go and tried to repair things wandlessly. "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me," I said in disbelief as the room, not just the mess I was trying to clean but everything righted itself like on a Disney cartoon. "Oh I am so, so screwed," I panted as the heady tingly feeling of pure power rushed through my veins.

As afterthought I conjured a blank wand, which was really a wooden stick and started warding my room. When I was done I had better wards then the ministry. Go take care of your potions, I told myself as I shook with something that felt quite similar, though not as good as, the afterglow of sex. Magical boob job and almost orgasmic magic, I think my ancestor is trying to tell me something.

I'd been cooking up all types of potions. Burn pastes, fever-reducers, blood replenisher's, veritiserum, skele-grow, pain reducers, dreamless sleep, the magical version of wake-aid and one to combat the effects of the cruciatius.

Later that night Snape stumbled in looking terrible. Cruciatius curse, I realised bounding upstairs. I handed him two vials and told him to drink it.

"And where did you get these?" he asked fighting the tremor in his voice. Poor bastard must have been under a while then, he usually wouldn't show how bad it is. We're both kind of stubborn like that.

"I made them, turns out that potions is a lot like cooking and it turns out that when not restraining myself against the onslaught of distain and snark I can manage just fine," I said easily before turning serious, "It also helps when there's nobody throwing random crap in your cauldron."

"I doubt I should drink it then," he sneered, "It'll probably kill me, and on the non-existent chance that there fit to be consumed by a human the surprise alone would end me."

"Well now I really want you to drink it," I returned, "You know you're sort of a cross between a dementor and a depressed transvestite, soul sucking yet snarkingly sassy. Now use your potion master skills to figure out there fine and drink the damn things because if I find you on our kitchen floor in cruciatius induced tremors and I have to detour between waking and coffee I'm going to be pissed."

"And if I chose not to drink them?" he asked as silkily as his hoarse voice allowed.

"You're loss," I said shrugging and walking away getting to the door before stopping, "Pain reliever first, wait five minutes and then take the anti-cruciatius."

"Why, none of the ingredients catalyst?" he asked unstoppering the pain potion.

"I gave you the extra strong one, makes your toes and fingertips feel and tingly and theirs three drops of belladonna in the anti-cruciatius which will make you sick if you don't let the pain reliever absorb first," I rattled off, "You might want to stay here for the night, because you should be out like a light soon."

"You hate me Potter," he said tossing back the pain reliever, "Why the hell would you give this stuff to me."

"Yep, but the cruciatius is a bitch, and while I am also a bitch you forget I've also experience the joys of the trigger happy dark bastard myself," I said shrugging, "Not a happy feeling and if we don't get you all into tip top shape who's going to traumatise the poor firsties? Sadly they think you're the creepiest thing they've ever seen."

"Oh?" he said raising an eyebrow as if to say, _and I'm not_.

"I'm sorry to say you lose out by a nose," I said cheerfully before pausing, "Literally… Snakeface has no nose. Anyway goodnight."

"Potter before I forget," Snape said sleepily, the potion already starting to affect him, "Detention." James and Sirius start to protest vehemently but I just shake my head.

"Sure thing honeybunch," I said leaving, the sweet sound of liquid being sprayed in my wake.

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><p><strong>Is good, right? Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing so reviewing is good. Even criticism if it's constructive. <strong>_**Tell me I'm pretty mommy, tell me I'm pretty please! **_**Lol, see what you guys have reduced me to. No sleep.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is all purely for your entertainment and to give me something to do. Major writers block on my book I'm writing so you all get to benefit in the way of more updates.**

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

When Hermione was the first one to come and find me that night with a good reason, I shouldn't have been surprised.

"I don't want to die," she said softly, "I don't want the people I care about to die." I offered her a smile, and let her in my room. By the time she left, she was sweaty, bruised and panting. The work out and sparring a little too much for her. A book on basic field med in her hands and a sharp utility store knife hidden strapped to her leg which she was instructed to never go anywhere without.

"Catalina," Remus said standing in my door. Ah, so it seemed they'd finally nominated someone to get the answers out of me. I never suspected it would be Remus though, why I wasn't sure.

"Lina," I huffed, "Been alive nearly fifteen years and nobody's tried to shorten the monstrosity that is my name." He gazed at me with guarded eyes.

"Don't play games with me," he said softy. I shot him a sly smile.

"Who said anything about games?" I asked lightly.

"I did when I saw you start dodging," he replied, "Why do you have a potions stock?"

"Now when did I say that?" I said arching an eyebrow.

"You didn't, never the less I'd like to know why you do," he stated firmly.

"I suppose I could tell you, if it weren't for the fact that you're only here to suck information out of me like a bloodsucking locust," I said considering, "Grownup wise you're the best option."

"You're not considering your father?" he asked me curious, "Or Sirius?"

"I said grownup," I repeated in a tone the indicated that neither of them were in anyway what I considered to be a responsible adult. He burst out laughing and I shot him a knowing smile. He left, he knew that he wasn't going to get anything out of me.

Slowly they trickled one by one with reasons that I could call just. _I don't want to die, I'm scared, I want to stop them from hurting anyone, I want to make them pay for touching my family._ All perfectly good reasons and all of them sincere.

"So this is where we start, a first aid book?" Neville asked surprised, "I thought that fighting would be higher on the list." I snorted.

"You were doing so well," I sighed, "You'd hate to have your friends bleeding and dying, unable to do anything about it, wouldn't you?" Somehow after that I got the feeling that he understood, not that it was hard enough to figure out.

Meanwhile my magic was wildly out of control. My most fleeting thoughts became my will if I wasn't careful. I had wished that the godforsaken letter sent by Dumbledore regarding the change in behaviour burn in hell. The flames that consumed it burned black and turned it to ash in seconds. I had to be careful, very careful.

Which meant that tonight I was going out and doing exactly anything but that. In London, no matter what the wizarding community thought, the vampires ruled. Through them came the supernatural community at its heart, werewolves, wiccans, veela and all sorts of other creatures. The vampires however were important for something that had absolutely nothing to do with their species. They ran the London Underworld. Capital fucking U.

So that night I put on my tightest jeans, highest black boots, and a top that left my tattoo completely uncovered. I did my make-up just so and slipped out of the house. The club I headed to was divided into two sectional groups, the vampires and the snacks. I vanished my jacket.

"Are you sure you want to go in there sweetheart?" the guy at the door said looking at me with half sad eyes. I tilted my head and smiled.

"I'll be fine," I assure him, "I can handle myself." He didn't say anything and Good Charlotte escaped the building. Girls were dancing on the floor. The door advertised dress-up, vampires and victims, it wasn't fake blood.

I found myself at the bar and listened to conversation around me, the music wasn't so loud here. Two men in black robes came and started talking to a man that I had known very well in another life. Jack, more affectionately known as Jack the Ripper. His brief problem with whores stemming from the fact that they had pimped out his adopted mortal sister without her consent.

"And what does he have to offer me," he asked curious to what they would say. I sat and drank a glass of icy vodka. Listening in to their bullshit made me want to cack myself laughing. It was ridiculous and overly racist.

"You know that's a bad idea," I said knocking back the last of my drink when the Death Eaters left.

"And why is that?" he purred taking a seat in the bar stool next to me and leaning in, "They offer us free blood. Magical blood is always so sweet."

"Because if they get there way it's a pureblood world," I said leaning in so our faces were only inches away from each other, "That's their agenda. You'll never have their respect and you'll be supporting those that forced the limitations on you in the first place. Not smart."

"I think you might be right," Jack said with a smile, "But nobody is offering us a better offer."

"I am," I said carefully, "If you have a back room or something that we can discuss it." He offered me his hand and I placed mine in his with no hesitation. He escorted me upstairs so we could talk unheard.

"So what exactly are you offering?" he asked me curiously. I smiled and figured that I could do one better than the Death Eaters.

"What do you want?" I asked him. He did a double take as a man in his late teens, early twenties sat on his lap. Neck exposed and submissively lying in wait.

"That's a good question. Do you mind?" he asked indicating to the boy.

"Not at all," I responded, knowing he was only trying to freak me out. He hummed appreciatively before taking a deep bite into the others neck. The boy leaned into it and let out a lustful moan. Jack's hands wandered appreciatively, taking large mouthfuls of blood before removing his mouth.

"Thank you Mike," he said softly before turning to me, "Interesting, you are not bothered by my dinner. How curious." I let out a laugh.

"Because it's exactly as you said it. He was dinner, and to live you need food. I didn't see you forcing him or anything like that so it's not any of my business," I replied carefully.

"Not many people see it like that," he chuckled, "Very well, I believe that we can come to an agreement. We vampires want respect, to not be treated as less or a plague. We want blood and to live our lives without being persecuted."

"And I need to use your resources, your connections and ensure your neutrality in this coming conflict," I said nodding, "You run the underworld, guns, bombs, drugs… there's a mint to make in the entertainment industry in the wizarding world but you can't touch it without a backer."

"You're quiet good for a little girl," he said leaning forward, "Seal our partnership in blood and we have a deal. Just one little bite and we have an accord." I smirked viciously and held out my wrist. He gave a surprisingly gentle bite before his eyes widened and he drew himself away.

"Are you alright?" I asked. He gave a harsh pant, giving my bleeding wrist kittenish licks.

"What are you? Your blood is exquisitely powerful, do not share it so freely," he said in an almost drugged state. I stayed for an hour as we hammered out the details. I left and came in the back door sneaking up to my room. Eric and Hermione caught me coming in.

"Where have you been?" Eric demanded as Hermione caught my arm and examined the bite on my wrist. She looked confused for a second before her eyes widened like saucers.

"We have an alliance with the vampires," I said softly. They followed me into my room.

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><p><strong>So what did you think about this chapter? Worth the time you took to read it or not. Review and let me know. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is the result of too much time on my hands and an iron deficiency that makes me never want to do anything but sleep and stay in bed. Enjoy and tell me what you think about it?**

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

"What do you mean we have an alliance with the vampires?" Hermione demanded in a hushed whisper. I applauded her for her good sense to shut up but it really wasn't necessary in here and I told her so.

"You don't have to whisper, it's warded in here," I said writing out a card that said vampires and pinning it to my strategy wall. I already had all the order members accounted for and the younger generation up. Not to mention the forces of wank-knob… I mean Voldemort. "And I mean that you wanted to join my Volde-mould resistant efforts and I made an alliance with the vampire boss, ergo we have an alliance with the vampires," I explained with a sigh.

"They drink blood and they bit you," Eric said outrage, "There dark creatures."

"Do you have any idea how ignorant you sound?" I asked him. He went to protest but I wave him off, "No, please, don't speak. It lowers the intelligence of the whole room," I said turning around to draw my curtains, "They have connections, resources and are a bad group to be on the wrong side of. So they have daylight issues and a liquid diet. We're just lucky that I managed to persuade him that the Death Eaters were planning of screwing him over."

"But they bit you," Hermione said, as if it mattered.

"Look, any witch or wizard that wasn't willing to give them the respect they deserved would never take the risk, or let themselves be tainted or any other such crap," I explained, "It was done as a sign of good faith. So they knew they could trust me."

"And how do you know you can trust them?" Eric asked calming down and thinking about this as his own person and not a pureblood sheep.

"Because they want what I'm offering and to sweeten the deal I made it so they could make a profit," I said truthfully, "The wizarding world is an untapped goldmine for people that know how to utilise it but there are laws to stop the vampires from owning businesses. For that they need someone to own it in there stead."

"That's… really clever," Hermione said after a moment.

"Especially since through the vampires we get a foothold into all the other so called creatures," I said proudly, "Now, you lot either need to nut up or shut up because we're going to have a lot of allies that the wizarding world is squeamish about."

"We don't have the knowledge to keep up with you though," Eric admitted after a moment. There was a second of pure silence before I squealed and hugged him.

"You admitted it," I said happily throwing my arms around him and squeezing before putting on an exaggerated accent, "My wittle brothers geted all growed up like."

"You still didn't say what we're going to do about it," Hermione said reluctantly, "If we don't have the knowledge then there's a good chance that us being a part of this will only get people killed." She didn't like admitting that there was someone else that had more knowledge than she did. The fact that she did meant that it was all starting to work out. That this could work.

"But you're still in, aren't you?" I asked semi-rhetorically, they nodded. "Then let me worry about that," I continued. I gave the more homework and although they grumbled, they saw it done.

It was strange how two people could be the same person and not alike at all, all at the same time. Some of the time I was certain that I was talking to the people I had left behind and others I was overcome with bitter disappointment and verbally outcries echoed in my mind, mainly – _how could I ever of thought that they were the same?_

Fred and George had found ways around the charms that they had put on the door of the order meetings. They were seriously considering picking my brain, I discovered. Not to actually include me, but to use my unique perspective. After all, even if they had no idea I'd lived it all before.

"No," Ginny said pale and resolute. The book I held outstretched in my hand was more grey than dark and I looked at her in surprise and a sick feeling popped into my stomach. Where was my Gin, was she even in there at all?

"Why not?" I asked her as if I was asking her to look through the standard book of spells, grade 5. Her eyes flashed and I wanted to sigh.

"Because it's dark magic," she spat, "You don't play around with it."

"No, you don't," I replied nodding along with her, "But were going to need someone who knows this stuff. Someone who understands the worst and knows what to do and more specifically what not to do."

"It's dangerous," she said anger clouding her judgement, "It's what the scum use that are starting this entire thing and I won't touch it."

"I thought you wanted to be involved," I asked in a hard voice, "I ask you to do something that hard for you, and necessary and suddenly you lock up. This isn't a game to be played by children, but by all means go run along and do your homework."

"It isn't fair," she yelled in outrage.

"No, it's not," I said in a small voice, "It isn't fair, but that's just the way that it is. Sorry princess but you don't get to duck out on the utter fuckary that is life. I wish you could understand."

"And I wish I knew who you saw when you look at me," she returned. I stopped short, that was remarkably observant. Maybe that weren't the ignorant poor copies of my friends I assumed that they were. I left the book on the table with a light thud and left her.

My magic was getting harder to control. It was a fact, and I didn't like it. I know I made it sound like I was suddenly uber-powerful super Catalina but I really wasn't. It kept exploding out of me, wanting to be used and I couldn't use it. Not like my magic wanted, not in this house.

"What are you doing on the bathroom floor?" James asked in a quiet voice. It was suspicious, and I shivered. How was I supposed to play this one off?

"I'm having some really bad dreams," I said in a self-desecrating tone. He sat down on the floor next to me, and sighed. It was a few moments before he spoke and I could tell that what he was about to say he didn't want to, but he felt it had to be said.

"I'm sort of glad," he admitted guiltily, "Because…. I was starting to think my daughter was gone. How much did you never say because you thought we loved Eric more?"

"A lot," I answered reasonable sure, because I would have. If I were the one raised in this world I would have shut up an awful lot to keep my family happy. "Why is Eric the boy-who-lived?" I asked only semi aware of what was coming out of my mouth, "I was the one he took and I wasn't a second choice steal. It was supposed to be all about Eric and for once it's not and I don't want it to be me."

"I am so, so sorry princess," James said, wrapping his arms around me like the father he was meant to be. I wanted to claw my way out of his embrace though. This wasn't right. This didn't belong to me and I didn't deserve it. James was my dad, but in all the time I'd been here I'd never been able to see him as _my_ dad. Mainly because I wasn't, and I could never be, the daughter he's lost.

"I thought you said no?" I asked Ginny when I caught her reading the book I'd tried to hand her before and she'd refused. When she looked up I had to stifle a gasp, in her eyes… it was Gin. That same grim understanding a determination to see something through, no matter what was left of her in the end. It wasn't her, there was too much uncertainty, but it gave me hope.

"I said I wish in conjunction to you, didn't I?" she said grinning humourlessly, "Something was bound to happen."

"Are you?" I started to ask, she shook her head.

"The me from the other dimension, or where ever it is you come from?" she finished for me, "No, but she paid me a visit and, she was… she really was me."

"I know," I acknowledged, realising that she was talking about the similarities that hadn't taken route in her yet but under the strain and the hell of the coming war were going to consume her completely.

"And I'm going to pretend that I don't, that you aren't anyone else than the Catalina who belongs here," she said finally. Puzzlement overtook my brain, and I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Why would you do that?" I asked, not that I wasn't thankful of it or anything.

"Because if you're not the Catalina from this realm, if you come from somewhere else, then were is Eric's little sister?" she asked. I clammed up immediately, because that was something I didn't want to ask.

"I don't know," I said in a faint voice, "I just don't know."

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><p><strong>Ohh, so Ginny knows but is going to block it out of her head. Catalina is getting too caught up with her parents and everything with her magic is going klablooie. What do you think? Review me.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is what happens when my muse demands that I stop ignoring them. Enjoy and review. **

Chapter 6

I'm ashamed to say that I avoided Ginny for the next weekend. Mainly because I was waiting for the one question that would be too hard to tell her. What happened to me in the other world? It was too hard and too terrible to tell her that she had let Death Eaters rip her apart to save her family and that I found her. That scream… that noise that Luna had made, I didn't ever want to hear a noise like that again. I couldn't ever hear that sound again. There would be no coming back from that.

"I don't understand why I'm here," I said crossing my legs neatly. I had been invited to an order meeting. The joy, the honour, the boredom of listening to people talk and talk with no intentions of actually doing anything until it was too late for it to even matter.

"You have a unique perspective," Professor Dumbledore said looking down his half-moon spectacles at me, "Or so the adults living in this house have come to believe. They think that such perspective may be useful in utilising, so feel free to speak out as you see things."

"Remember you asked for it," I snorted in amusement. This should be fun. By the end of the hour everyone but apparently Remus was on the verge of ripping out there hair and cussing themselves a blue streak.

"But having guards in place is," Moody growled for the thousandth time. I let my head thump on the table. He stopped halfway through his sentence.

"Unpractical. It's doing absolutely nothing but making people feel useful," I said in a groan, "Seriously, Voldy-shorts isn't getting it unless he goes there himself. Prophecies can only be removed by people there about. So do you want to stop playing them and get them to do something real Professor Dumbledore." He didn't even have the grace to look ashamed of himself.

"What makes you think that it's a ploy to keep us occupied?" Sirius asked leaning forwards.

"Because it's pointless work but it is something practical, it stops you from becoming discontent with what you're doing," I said with a shrug, "From a leaders perspective it's a good idea if you have rowdy people that have troubles not doing anything."

"Then what's your problem with it?" Professor McGonagall asked. I snorted.

"Because you could be using this time to, I don't know… do something real?" I asked with sarcasm coating my words thickly. "You have a unique opportunity here."

"To do what?" Lily interrupted Dumbledore's grandfatherly soothing and I was glad. It was basically an entreaty to bend over and kiss ass. Will that man ever learn?

"Set a trap, shove Darth Voldemort into the open, off a Kardashian ass level of Death Nibblers?" I said as if it was a question, "Take your pick." I was seriously waiting for a synchronised _'Oooh'_ and these were the people in charge of saving the world. We were so epically fucked, oh well I'd have to do something about that, without dealing with them as much as possible.

"What's a Kardashian?" Tonks piped up.

"The muggles gave an ass a franchise," I replied tartly, "So, I'll leave you to your scheming."

"You aren't going to help scheme?" Snape sneered.

"Why? You need a fifteen year old to do you're tactical thinking for you?" I shot back at him as I rose. I thought that I could hear multiple foreheads thunking on the table. "If you want some advice, I recommend the twins. You can't even imagine how some of their inventions go too wrong to be sold. Imagine if they were trying."

From the screeching of Mrs Weasley and the irritated snark of Snape, I doubted it was happening. Either way I left when she started wailing like a banshee. Their loss was my gain.

"What's with the property portfolio?" George asked that night as I had snuck into the library to work uninterrupted. Obviously not, by the looks of things as he and his twin sat in the shadow of the large bookcases. It seemed that someone else had had the same idea.

"If I told you I'd have to kill you," I said in a mock serious voice, "Nah. I actually wanted to get you in on this, but you have to shut up about it. Not even the others can know."

"Why is it dangerous?" Fred asked leaning forwards with excited anticipation.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but if wizards weren't incredible fucktards that are stuck in the eighteenth century and don't pay any attention to their muggle counterparts this would be extremely illegal," I said honestly.

"Gee, because that's so easy to not take offence to," George said in a fake offended voice before smiling. I thought about the best way to tell them about what I was trying to do. Bringing in a sort of, well mafia, to cover what I was really doing. Namely killing off murdering rapist scum. Then I remembered something awesome. We had an entertainment system. Massive flat screen, surround sound, the works and I could show them DVD examples. Which lead to the hugest movie marathon a pureblood had ever been involved in.

"So we're aiming for Saint Trinians, right?" George said with a massive grin. Obviously imagining what it would be like if they had gone to a school like that. They were practically bursting with ideas.

"Basically, the London underworld does exist, and it's run by the vampires. I offered them an olive branch into the wizarding world, in addition to being able to promise that any deal with Death Eaters was going to go sideways the moment it was over," I said with a shrug.

"How do you plan to do that?" they asked and I grinned at them making it perfectly clear that I wasn't going to spill a single secret about how I could come through with my promise, just that I could.

"If I get you a shop, would you be objectionable to be able to do some ah, _behind the scenes_, work for me?" I asked them. It was a risk, but the potential pay out was a lot bigger than the downfall.

"We can't let you just buy us a shop," the complained together.

"Think of it as a loan," I said knowing that they'd never take the freebie, "You pay it off as you go." In the end they agreed and I needed buy some real estate. Either way that needed to wait until I get to school. A solid alibi will be essential.

The next day I snuck out and caught a cab to a storage facility by the docks. After making sure that the doors were closed behind me I opened one of the crates and whistled appreciatively. Gun's knives, ingredients for explosives, booze, packets of cigarettes, Ziploc bags full of pot and pills. The drugs weren't strictly necessary, but if you could get someone that's trying to commit mass terrorism hooked on something and then take it away so they suffer withdrawal symptoms while they're trying to kill you, wouldn't you?

_In return for your good faith,_

_Take it when you leave,_

_I look forward to seeing what you can do with it._

_J_

I packed it all up and stashed in into my storage space. I knew exactly how bad the war was going to get, so I prepared as good as I was able before the storm hits. That night the grownups were yelling and screaming at each other. I didn't know what it was about and I didn't care, all _'Us kids'_ had been dismissed and we were sitting up in my room

The twins had a multiple books on explosives. Hermione was combing over the first four years of textbooks and writing down how they could be used for maximum offense and defensive purposes. Ginny sat with dark arts books piled around her. Ron looked at where Death Eater would be interested in attacking and why, examining my wall and making his own notes and personal strategies. Neville and Eric had gun ownership manuals out and were learning how to put together, disassembled and clean a gun. I sat helping where needed with a distinct feeling of pride. Maybe this time everybody wouldn't die.

**I got there. Another chapter finally. Review and tell me what you think. Virtual cookie to those that do.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I got a couple of reviews after I wrote this telling me that I'm rushing through stuff a little too quickly, I'll try to stop doing that the next chapter. Tell me what you think and enjoy.**

Chapter 7

The next night I found out what had caused such a stir. Me. Well not me, me but the brand new Lady Le Fay. They didn't know who she was, nor whose side she resided on and the idea of someone with that kind of power and resources frightened them. What surprised me is the fact that they actually asked me for advice. I wasn't exactly supposed to know that they were but as much as I love Sirius, he wasn't exactly subtle.

"I have no idea what the right thing to do is," he groaned after he _'accidentally'_ spilled the beans. He'd been trying similar phases until I knew if he tried anymore I was going to burst out laughing at his poor undercover skills.

"Just leave it for now," I said offhandedly shrugging, "Her allegiance will come out soon enough. If it's bad then you deal with it then. There's nothing you can do about it now. Oh, and feel free to share that with the rest of the class." He smirked and threw a wink at me when he was sure that nobody else was looking. So maybe he wanted me to know all along. Tricksy godfathers.

"We've got a problem," Hermione said later that day, "They know you've been sneaking out. Not to mention none of us are very good at the med stuff."

"Then we find someone that is," I replied, "When are they planning to confront be about leaving the house?" She looked nervous.

"They aren't, they want to know what you're doing and why first," she informed me.

"So they're going to follow me, those bastards," I swore good-naturedly. The fact that they were not as bigger dumbasses as I had anticipated made it harder to do what I needed to do, but I couldn't help but be happy that they were more aware. More aware means less chance to get killed. "Have they followed me yet?" I asked.

"No, but next time you leave there going to," she replied anxiously, "What are you going to do about it?" A plan half-formed in my mind that made me want to giggle just thinking about it.

"It's better if I don't tell you," I said after a moment, "Plausible deniability and all. They won't think I've been doing what I have though." She seemed assured and that meant that I needed to make a phone call. I was never more thankful for the mobile that I had brought.

"_Hello little one,_" Jack answered in a smooth tone, "_Did you want to thank me for the pretty toys I left you?"_ I let out a laugh in response.

"Not quite," I said amused, "But thank you never the less. I need a favour."

"_Already? Demanding one aren't you?_" he teased me.

"I need an alibi, some people are going to be following me and I want them to think that every time I've left the house I've been on a date," I told him, "So can you arrange for a pretty muggle girl to meet me at a café nearby and pretend that we've been seeing each other."

"_Interested in girls are we?"_ he said and I could just imagine his grin.

"Personality over gender, but the shock factor should make them forget about my going out and more about where I've been going," I said thinking it out. He burst out laughing and for a while I didn't think he'd stop.

"_Devious,_" he said breathlessly, "_But are you willing to pay the price. The date will be real, and you only have to go on one. My friend Serena did ask me to introduce you._"

"Great," I said think that it would be nice to go on a date. I'd never gotten the chance to go on a real date before. I mean sex sure. It was war, smoke'em if you got'em and all, but never dates. "Send me a time and date, with a picture so I can pretend I've actually met the girl before."

The picture he sent me of the girl I was supposed to meet had me letting out a low whistle. She was smoking hot. Short blonde hair, lean figure and baby doll blue eyes. I found myself looking forward to tomorrow afternoon.

"You planning on going somewhere important?" Eric said as I shimmied some thigh highs up my legs. I wore a little black skirt that was tight at the hips and hung loosely across my thighs, short heeled boots, and an extremely low cut white top. I had on sexy lingerie too, because hey, you never know.

"Yep," I said shooting him a smile. He followed me into the bathroom where I ran a brush through my hair and did some light make up. Eyeliner, mascara and dark red lipstick.

"I don't want to know where you're going dressed like that," he said seriously, "You realise that mum and dad are having you followed."

"Which means that you'll hear all about it later when they start screaming for all of queen and country to hear about," I said with an amused smile. Grownups, I thought to myself really weren't practical. If they had_ really_ thought about ways to eavesdrop on us they would have realised that Fred and George's extendable ears were the best way to go.

It didn't take long, I realised walking down the street to figure out who was following me. Tonks was wearing a face that I recognised from the other life and James was under the invisibility cloak. Serena sat at a table outside this cute little café and when I showed up bounced up to me and kissed me on the lips.

"You're late darling," she chided, and I could see the mischief in her eyes daring me to nay-say the previously dating story that had been agreed upon.

"Sorry, I know," I said with a laugh as we walked inside, "I'll make it up to you later." The last part came out as a purr and was defiantly well received. We sat and ordered coffee. Within five minutes if quickly became apparent that I actually like Serena. She was nineteen year old hairdresser and piercest that like street racing in her own time. She had a sweet car and was funny and flirty.

"So," she said sliding her foot up my leg, "Would you be amiable to coming home with me? We could ah, have a little fun." My hand was clasped in hers and the smile plastered on my face was not solely from the gasp that Tonks let out.

"I think I'd like that very much," I said in return. She leaned forward and kissed me. It was nice and warm. I had missed this kind of contacted with other people. Fucking lucky I thought to put on my lucky panties, I thought with a grin. She pulled me out the café and a few blocks away where there was a nice apartment building with a doorman and everything.

The second the apartment door shut her mouth was on mine and it was no longer coy or teasing. I bit her bottom lip and let her take me to her room.

"Don't let me interrupt," a voice called from her open bedroom door. (If I were mean, I'd leave it here, LOL) We sprang apart and came face to face with Jack. "Well it looks like you two got along well, sex on the first date?" he mock chided.

"Not anymore," Serena said scrunching up her nose adorably, "I just got cock blocked by a cockhead." He flattened his hand over his chest looking overly insulted.

"Oh, such hostility," he said over dramatically, his hand over his heart, "I think I will simply die."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're the epitome of the stereotype of a gay man?" I asked him frankly making Serena giggle.

"Now that's just mean, I thought that we should talk," he pouted. Which was how we found ourselves on the couch with three shot glasses and a bottle of Smirnoff.

**Ah Jack, that just wasn't fair. So what did you think? I'm going to add some character building between Jack and Lina? I called her Lina didn't I? So many stories so little time.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This isn't my franchise, duh. Warning, people with a problem with gayness of any disrciption should turn back. Don't bother flaming if you do, it only amuses me. For the rest of you, read on and enjoy.**

Chapter 8

"So what exactly did you want to talk about?" I asked him, downing a shot.

"I wanted to thank you for your return of hospitality," he said holding out the real estate pages I had sent him. "And to let you know that we have chosen which we would like to purchase," he said showing me the ones he had circled. Some were in the alley, other in Hogsmeade and some in all wizarding villages.

"I want to go halves in the ones located in Hogsmeade and the Alley," I said looking them over, "We could share the profit and you have a business partner to back up the anti-creature laws until I can do something about it."

"And what exactly can you do about it?" he questioned me. I smiled at him.

"Now that would be telling," I retorted, "And I don't have any intention of doing that. So, what exactly am I investing in?"

"Some dance clubs, a strip club and a casino," he replied smiling. The details were included in a big white envelope. I could hid that until I was alone. Jack unfortunately couldn't stay, meetings together were always going to be short. At least until I could get to Hogwarts and nobody would notice me coming and going as much as they previously had.

On a more personal note, I thought as I left the apartment myself, I wonder what Jack will do when he realises that I've charmed him to sparkle like a twilight vampire for the next three days. That's what he gets for trying to ruin the first amount of sex I had the opportunity to have since I got here. Of course opportunity once again knocked, I gladly opened the door. I think that I might even keep in contact with Serena, even though she told me thanks for the great afternoon, but I don't think this will work out long term.

"CATALINA POTTER," I almost winced as I tried to sneak past the kitchen, badly, "YOU'VE BEEN SNEAKING OUT TO GO ON DATES WITH A WOMAN. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT BACK TO HER APARTMENT WITH HER! DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?" Lily yelled at me.

"Yes," I blurted out before I could stop myself, "Problem?"

"You're a lesbian?" James asked with a frown. I couldn't tell if he was disappointed that I like girls or disappointed that I scored before Eric. Now that will be fun to inform brother dearest of.

"Nah. I like people, not there equipment," I returned rubbing my ear, "Now if you don't mind having this conversation like adults because I'm fairly sure that there are some femalely inclined females somewhere, that haven't heard you if you want to keep shouting and Serena and I have recently agreed to be friend. Advertisement can only help." They did not appreciate my wise cracks.

"Where did my little girl go?" Lily asked tearfully. I stared at her blankly, what the hell was she on about? This whole parent's thing is harder than it looks.

"Just… why?" James asked tiredly. Sirius snorted.

"Why not?!" he exclaimed, "Better question, was she good?"

"I might have to take those yoga classes she goes to," I said seriously, "Only good can come of being that flexible." He let out a barking laugh.

"Sirius don't encourage her in front of them," Remus sighed, that made me smile. He really didn't care either. That was nice.

"In front of them?" Lily said angrily, "Like its okay to encourage that sort of behaviour when we're not around?"

"Lily I know it's a shock, but we need to be supportive," James said calming down with a frustrated sigh, "What exactly are you angry about? Are you angry she was dating a woman or that she was sneaking out when it was so dangerous?"

"I… I don't actually care who she's with," she admitted slumping into a chair, "I think you decision to love the person and not the gender is pretty mature and your calm acceptance of yourself is making me very proud of you, I was just scared that you were going to get hurt."

"Ah, what?" I asked confused. This wasn't in the cards, they were overgrown children that didn't like to accept easily, and where was this coming from? James supported a cheeky, if tired smile and wrapped me into an uncomfortable hug. I wanted to squirm away.

"You don't have to worry about us, we still love you," he said warmly, "We're just concerned for your safety. If you could hold off on finding a new boyfriend or girlfriend until Hogwarts where it's safer I'd appreciate it."

"I kind wanted to date muggle for a reason," I said sheepishly, as if I were admitting something embarrassing or something. "The people at Hogwarts know all about me and our family and… Eric. Anything about either me or Eric dating would have probably made the front page of the prophet. I just wanted… autonomy, to date someone because they honestly liked me and not have to worry about it becoming public."

"Oh honey," Lily said leaping forwards and wrapping me in a hug. So this is what it would have been like if I had a family, if they hadn't died. No, I thought viciously squashing down the thought. This is not your family, and you will not get attached.

"Uh huh, I'm glad that you're happy and accepting but I need to breathe… and shower, I just came back from a _huge _work out," I said with a wicked smirk. They let me go with an amused look on their faces and I bounded upstairs to where I almost crashed into the wide eyed congregation of Hogwarts students.

"Problem solved," I said with both my thumbs up, "So pick your jaws up off the floor, and get gone."

"Did you really sleep with a girl?" Eric asked with baited breath and I fiddled with my phone and tossed it to him, a picture of Serena in a bra and panties pouting at the camera. My knickers had been carelessly tossed to the side.

"She says even if were friends now there isn't any reason why we can't… ah, spend _time _together," I said remembering her cheerfully placed request as I left.

"Awesome," the twins said in awe. I swiped my phone out of my not-brothers limp fingers and walked into my bathroom where I proceeded to have a hot soak in the tub. I had been using muscles that this body was clearly unaware that it had. When I got out there were two girls sitting on my bed. Hermione looked nervous but I couldn't place the look on Ginny's face.

"Please don't tell me that you both came in here to have a sexuality crisis," I said evenly, "Because I'm not the girl to help you with that."

"Is it that obvious?" Hermione said bitting her lip.

"I'm just moral support," Ginny piped up.

"I am… really incredibly, so not the person to help you with this," I said bluntly, making sure my meaning was as clear as physically possible.

"Why not?" Hermione said while she glanced up at me.

"Because if it isn't obvious to you this is one of the things that you learn by doing," I said feeling strange for having to spell something so obvious out to the smartest witch I knew.

"And you like girls, are you saying that you won't help me?" she said upset.

"No, I'm saying I will and then you'll get self-conscious and it'll be awkward," I said simply, "Not to mention if you have a freak out it then it'll get complicated, and we're on a schedule, we're trying to take over the world here." I said all this as if I were completely serious, which I was but they didn't exactly know that.

"If you really want help, I'm game," Ginny said with a shrug.

"Wait, what? I thought you weren't having a sexuality crisis?" Hermione exclaimed in surprise.

"That's because I know I appreciate the female gender," she said smirking. I spent a few seconds wondering when she had come to that conclusion, which was when I remembered that she didn't have to. She'd met her alternate self, and nobody was more at home with herself and her extremities than Gin. It was almost worth it, to see Hermione blushing bright red and insecure.

**So, I'm betting that however you expected this chapter to go… this wasn't it. Did I do good? Review and tell me what you think about it?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is what happens when I have no internet for long periods of time or my muse decides to possess me, or my fingers at least.**

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

So that night I'm pretty sure that Hermione boned Ginny and the smirk on Ginny's face and the thumbs up she shot me at breakfast pretty much confirmed it. Of course she spent the next tight with the twins and we had a surprising conversation.

"You're right, the best of both worlds is pretty amazing," she said offhandedly, "I think I've discovered a new way to make breakthroughs." With that she handed me the rune system that would allow muggle electrical objects to work it to work on magic, and a whole bunch of warding stuff that was really quiet fascinating to read.

"So now we know that whenever you're stuck on something you just need to get laid," I quipped amused. Next came the fun part, teaching them about phones, how to use them, and app's. Fucking apps.

"So, say it back to me," I instructed holding out the Galaxy S2.

"Green phone to pick up. Red phone to hang up. Don't forget you password pattern, ringtones are optional, you can put the phone on silent, contact list means that you don't have to remember the number, and so far apps are for fun," Neville recited, finishing just before getting interrupted.

"Sugar crush," a masculine voice came from Ron's phone. He stared at it in awe.

"Awesome," he said drawing out the word. I stared at him for a second, the room silent except for the clinking sounds coming from the phone.

"And there goes Ron. He shall be sorely missed," I intoned as if he had just died.

"Why?" Eric asked panicked, "Nothing bad is going to happen to him is it?"

"Nah, he's just found candy crush," I said waving it away as not a big deal, "He'll sit there and play until the batteries run out and not bother with much else until he snaps out of it."

"You know besides sharing information instantaneously, there'll be good for playing games in class and speeches," Fred mused, "And how exactly out of it is Ron?" he wave his hand in front of him and received no response.

"Never mind that," George said, "We'd have to come up with a way to make it so others don't notice them. Otherwise they'll just confiscate our phones."

"Good point," I agreed, "Hermione, you're up again. Fred, George, and Ginny, after the results of last time you can all draw straws on who gets to help her do her thinking."

"Lina," she hissed turning bright red, while Eric and Neville started. Spluttering at the implications before Ginny spoke.

"I don't believe it, Ron still didn't move at all," she said in disbelief.

"Hey Ron, Hermione's banging Fred, George and Ginny for the promotion of genius ideas," I said after snapping my fingers in his ear to get him to hear me.

"Mmm, that's nice," he said distractedly. They looked appalled and Fred, I think it was Fred anyway, took the opportunity to throw Hermione over his shoulder and march out with his brother.

"Better luck next time Ginny," they snickered, about Hermione's startled squeals. I looked to the girl, her eyes sparkling with mischief and shaking her head amused.

"I don't mind," she said honestly, "I like Hermione, she's a good friend but she isn't the one for me. Not to mention I think that they really like her." With that she left to delve further into dark magic and it pain in the ass tendencies… I mean mysteries. Cue internal snort.

"Did that… really just happen?" Eric asked shakily.

"Yep," I said popping the p, "And that's nothing. Just wait until you discover YouTube."

"What's on this you tube?" Neville asked with a frown. You could hear him separating the words, and it amused and defied teenaged reason.

"You mean YouTube, capital Y, capital T and no space," I corrected him deciding what to tell them. In the end I said the only thing I could to properly convey what they wanted to know to a satisfactory level. "Google it," I said with a shrug.

Hours later I sat in the kitchen, finally bothering to write my summer homework up and making sure that my potions essay contained a heavy level of snark when the batteries on Ron's phone finally stopped him from playing anymore.

"FRED, GEORGE AND GINNY ARE WHAT?!" his demand rang though the house. For a moment everyone at the table was silent. Then I burst out laughing until I was almost crying. My stomach hurt and my fingers gripped the table so tight that my knuckles turned white. Eventually I stopped and looked at the confused adults.

"I love screwing with people," I said by way of explanation, "Don't you?"

"It seems you have more in common with your father than I thought," Lily said with a sigh. I just laughed while Eric shook his head in surprise.

"I can't believe that it took him that long to have it click," he murmured, "I mean… damn." The following conversation with Ron, the private one, was really quiet amusing. On the plus side, that disastrous crush that was going to lead to pain and ruin that he had on Hermione was dead. Yep, hit by the Hogwarts express while it pulled into Kings Cross station.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

On the plus side, Ron got awful good at that shooting thing - and guns in general, awful quickly and to think most people beat up a pillow. Unfortunately, while almost everyone in our little group was oblivious to the connotations of selling drugs, Hermione wasn't.

"Drugs, you're planning on selling drugs?" she demanded outraged, "How could that possibly be a good idea?" I bit my lip and hummed for a second before deciding to answer honestly.

"Because it will be so much easier to kill Death Eaters while there all hooked on heroin?" I suggested. She looked at me disbelievingly.

"That was a question wasn't it," she replied deadpanned, "Why was that a question."

"Imagine what Fred and George could put in it after their hooked," I added, "Then they could kill themselves, and wouldn't that be a time saver." Neville and Ron, who were in the room at the time, looked at me in disbelief.

"There is something… seriously, incredibly wrong with you," Neville said blankly.

"Well if we don't have to risk ourselves fighting them, why should we?" I asked rhetorically, "Not to mention, world to take over and all that. We're on the clock."

"I'm starting to think that you're serious about that," Ginny said grimly as the others came into the room. Serious faces with met my gaze and I could tell that indignant deflection was not going to cut it this time. I let a sigh out and tried to think of how I could spin this with the least amount of truth without losing sincerity, because they weren't ready for the truth. Then again maybe I should let them decide.

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><p><strong>I've decided that things are going to get emotionally dicey. At the beginning Catalina was way too sure of herself and everyone else was stupid. I think I have a way of addressing the lack of substantiality. Review me.<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Kid's, grown-up and lots of talking in this chapter. Sorry about the lack of action. We get to the express soon.**

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><p>Chapter 10<p>

"Alright, you want me to get all the truth on your ass?" I said with a heaving sigh. They stared at me seriously while I waited for them to answer. After half a minute of serious intense staring I snapped. "That was a question people, I'm giving you an option," I snapped in frustration.

"Um," George started.

"I'm fairly sure," Fred continued.

"That isn't a question," George finished. I shrugged and looked around the room before deciding to get it over with, like tearing off a Band-Aid, or a Death Eaters face.

"Fine, yes we're probably going to take over the world, but I maintain that is merely a side effect of the main goal," I said raising my head and speaking proudly. The jaw dropping, dazed expressions were hardly awe inspiring. I think they expected me to lie or something. To be fair it was tempting.

"So how does that make you any better than Voldemort?" Eric asked heatedly. I however was surprised. That? That was the first conclusion he came to. In that instance I think that the surprise showed on my face.

"Depends on what the goal is really," Neville said with a shrug, as if it was no big deal, "I assume that would be beating You-Know…" I cut him off.

"Ah uh ah, if you must call him something else, make it something insulting. No-nose doesn't deserve the respect," I cut him off. He nodded unfazed, "Anyway that's just another side effect. One that we both not only all agree on and like, but will be gunning for as well."

"Then what is the goal?" Ginny asked level-headedly.

"To drag this whole ass-crack of a world kicking and screaming out of the Victorian era and into the twenty-first century," I said blandly, "Ask Hermione, muggles in this era are all pro-innovation, pro-life, anti-racism, anti-sexism, anti-discrimination, at some point the wizarding world stopped bothering and it could be so much better." I fought to keep from pacing as I spoke.

"I see you're point," Hermione agreed, "But if this winds up taking over the world…."

"Which it will do, because everything is spilt up between three factions. In Britain at least," I interrupted, "The ministry, which is stupid. Volde-shorts and Co, which is stupid, and our downstairs friends. Who are far too concerned with maintaining everything, as is."

"And are stupid, but your just being polite and not saying it," Eric said with a wry grin.

"And are stupid," I reaffirmed. Then I took a good look at how they were looking at me with something like loyalty and… no. "Oh hell no," I started violently; "Don't you dare start looking at me like that. No matter how convenient in would be to have you rush to do my bidding with but a word, I am not the Dumbledore, Smoulder-Mort, or Minister of our little group. Thinking for yourself is a necessity, and brain minionisation will get you fired."

"I get the others, but Smoulder-Mort doesn't make any sense," Fred and George said together. I had personally had enough heart to hearts today and decided to steer the conversation away with humour.

"You will once we set him on fire," I said, _again,_ I added internally_, _with such seriousness that they burst out laughing.

"You can't fire us if you don't pay us," Hermione said smiling.

"No I can't, but I can take away my toys," I said haughtily before I stopped and paused, "There's a sex joke there somewhere if anyone wants it." About five or six lewd comments we said all at once and I couldn't help but glow with pride. Ah my little darlings were learning how to fly. Then I remembered my tattoo and mentally changed darlings to Darling's. Pun intended.

"In the interest of thinking for ourselves," Hermione started once we were done laughing, making me want to groan even though I had asked for it, "Back to the drugs. That needs a serious conversation." My stomach growled.

"That needs a serious post-breakfast conversation," I interject much to their amusement, "And coffee. Much coffee." Hermione huffed but agreed.

"At least tell us your point of view?" Ginny asked genuinely curious.

"Well it's either, take advantage of the scum," I explained truthfully "Or war will rage, people will die, this already crappy world arrangement will topple and then _I'll_ be the one hooked on heroin." Hermione snorted.

If I didn't know better I would say that the so called grown-ups were aware of the changes in us kids, or at least they should have been. Luckily we know better privacy wards and there to busy arguing about warfare to really notice. Unfortunately my changes were un-ignorable and they kept looking at me until I either murdered them in their sleep or screamed.

"What?" I snapped finally, "What is it you're trying to find the balls to ask?"

"Why aren't you pushing to figure out more information, where's you childish curiosity?" Mrs Weasley asked, leaping at the opportunity. She had been royally pissing me off for days and while I had tolerated it in my world because it was done with love and she had taken care of me, in this world there was no such thing.

"Where's my _'childish curiosity?'_" I said mimicking the words like they were completely ridiculous – which they were, "Where was your birth control?" I was greeted with the sight of several people choking on food and drink and decided to really hit that nail in. "I know it was the late eighties and the nineties but damn," I said blasé.

"Catalina," both my not-parents chorused together. Even if James was hiding a glimmer of amusement, while Sirius was doing no such thing and laughing openly. Remus had a look of disapproval too thorough for it not to be schooled.

"What she asked a dumb question and phrased it like I was an infant," I protested indignantly, "And she's been doing it for days."

"Then re-word it smarter and answer the question," Kingsley asked, his deep voice cutting off any potential protests.

"Look, I get it. The order likes to talk and hoard information but really that's all you do and I've accepted it," I said as if it were meaningless, "I'm really not going to bother." There was an outburst of denials and distain.

"Foolish child doesn't know what she's talking about," Hestia huffed.

"Why, am I wrong?" I asked looking around all their faces and taking note as the other children did too, "Of course not."

"We didn't say that," Bill said quietly. I laughed. Bitterly.

"No you're faces did," I said standing, "So with people like Serena as my metaphorical packet of cigarettes I'm going to follow the old war adage, '_Smoke'em if you got'em.' _Because it doesn't look like anyone's willing to do anything about it._"_ I started to walk out the door when a hand caught my arm. Remus studied me in something remarkably close to shocked amazement.

"Did you just give us a very sneaky motivational speech?" he asked incredulously. I decided to answer a question with a question.

"Did you only give me a look of faux disappointment before?" I returned. He shot me a wolfish smirk that only I could see.

"No," he answered, his voice nigh parental.

"I didn't think so," I replied, almost evil amusement coiling internally. Moony came to play.

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><p><strong>So that was a lot different to what I thought would come out but I had less thinking and more typing being screamed at me with a whip cracking in the background. I hope you people appreciate this… with review preferably. Let me know where I'm screwing up.<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. My muse however does – me, and they say get back to work so lucky you.**

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><p>Chapter 11<p>

They argued like nuts after that conversation and it occurred to us that we need a way to hi-jack there information while we were at Hogwarts. It was such a shame that these thoughts didn't come to us until breakfast the day before we leave. I ignored the throbbing heavy feeling of my magic overfilling, and the pounding headache and high fever that had decided to come with it as usual and decided to pull and all day and partial nighter.

The amazing things that our group came up with after brainstorming session and much, much coffee. The glass in the cabinets were replaced with spelled glass that worked as cameras for the receiver. The receiver being a book full of mirrors, the rune work in them made it so we could watch it live or pull it out and watch it like a pensive memory. Luckily the Le Fay vault had a pensive.

"Shh," Fred or George groaned as their mother yelled at them to finish packing, "Sleeping while walking." They were zombie-like, the rest of us not much better. I never thought I'd be happy for the constant plague of otherworldly flash backs that had this body used to little-to-no sleep but as Hermione fought to take the coffee pot with her I just whistled in sympathy. Of course that had me pinned with some fairly dirty glares.

"I'm going to miss you baby," Lily said throwing herself at me and clutching me in a hug that made Mrs Weasley's look cheap. She was practically crying and I struggled a little. The warm tenderness getting to me, these were not my parents I told myself firmly. An acidic feeling twisting away in my gut.

"I'll miss you too mum," I said feeling immensely guilty as she finally pulled away to go assault… say goodbye, to Eric.

"Have fun," James said with an easy smirk and an almost less stifling hug, "Be good. _Give Snape hell_." The last part was said in a whisper so Lily didn't hear. I gave him a fake smile and stepped back.

"Do you even need to ask?" I said rhetorically. It was strange having this many grownups come to see me off, let alone be so involved in it. Lily, James, Sirius, Remus… they were all here for me. Well me, and Eric but he's my brother and tha… damn it no, he isn't my brother. I can't let the lines blur, I have to stay distant.

"It's like you don't know that there like that every year," my not-brother said with a smirk, and then he froze and studied me like he was trying to decide something. I, being me did what I did best in emotionally dicey situations. I bundled up my feelings, chucked them under the bus and pretended that everything is fine.

"I am too _tired_, to remember anything, heck I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast," I said with a snort. He shook it off and we went to find a compartment. Back in the first few days when I got here I imagined sitting on an undestroyed Hogwarts express once again, and ditching the look-a-likes at first opportunity. Enough had changed that I didn't want to ditch them, I had to.

I found myself huddled on the floor of one of the toilets, door locked, warded and muffled, as I took deep gasping breaths trying to remember how to breathe. Deep pangs of pain echoed in my chest and I bereted myself for ever thinking that I could handle this, could handle Hogwarts. So many dead people walking around like everything was fine, because everything was fine. For now, and then everything was going to come crashing down in ugly horrible war with that stupid fuck head who couldn't be happy with what he had. Damn it. I couldn't do this. I couldn't.

"Man the fuck up," I whispered harshly as I tipped my head back. Forcing the tears in my watering eyes to stay put and not ruin my make-up. I was fixing it. It wasn't going to be like the other world because I wouldn't fucking let it. So unless Arithmancy was going to come and bite me in the ass because the square root of fuck all is fuck all, it was going to change. Standing up I snapped back on my lady parts and straightened my spine. Time pretend that nothing's wrong, _because nothing is wrong._

"I'm surprised you bothered coming back to school," Malfoy sneered in front of the compartment where I had left them, after violently ignoring the hallucination – flashbacks of the horrible deaths, and or fates, which had befallen those around me. "Not that anyone believes you but it really is just a matter of time," he said alluding to the current dork lord problem with about all the subtlety of a fifty pound hammer.

"Really because I'm surprised that you bother coming to annoy us every train ride only to be forced to sulk away moody as a little bitch and humiliated," I drawled in a fairly even voice, "Now if you're that desperate for attention then go fuck off and get one of your boys to blow you. It wasn't like you had standards anyway."

"And hanging about with blood traitors and mudbloods means that you do have standards," he retorted viciously, cheeks coloured an amusing shade of pink.

"Of course," I said wide eyed as if surprised and nodding my head up and down as I spoke with the air of talking to somebody exceedingly dim, "Which is why we're done with you. Buh-bye now." With that I shoved him out of the door and locked it. The people inside cheered as Malfoy banged uselessly on the door.

"Sister, I don't tell you this near often enough, but I love you," Eric said in a warm voice full of appreciation. Guilt made me want to vomit, and I quashed a tingling filling at the base of my sternum.

"To true, I've been wanting to see Malfoy cop it for years. Shame they made him a prefect," Ron agreed, and I looked at him blankly.

"Snape's in no position to be able to choose someone else," I said with a shrug. For a moment I thought they were going to ask me to explain, but when they nodded along I felt proud that they had come so far. Or maybe they had always been like this and in my heedless run to obey rule one I hadn't noticed. Rule one, don't get attached.

"Do you think they listened to you about the defence teacher?" Ginny asked, angling forwards to see passed a newly introduced Luna. Hermione snorted before I could.

"I'm with Hermione," Neville chimed in, "It doesn't seem like a big deal when it comes to beating Voldemort, so they probably won't bother. Even if it is a big deal to us."

"But the teachers directly influence all the students of Hogwarts," Luna said dreamily, "Wouldn't it be best if they checked there head's weren't full of Nargles?" I smiled as a familiar creature made an appearance in to conversation. Good old Luna.

"Yes, that would be great," I answered as if after all this time I actually knew what a Nargle was, "I'm more worried about the idiot running his mouth off at the prophet."

"Fudge thinks that Dumbledore is the enemy," Eric said, with his eyes sliding shut.

"And now he's sending in a spy to take over Hogwarts from the inside and keep anyone that tries to get the word out about Voldemort quiet," Ron groaned, strategy leaking from his brain and out of his mouth rather that quiddich trivia for once.

"I'm not saying your right, but," I said in a calm voice before my tone took on a sing song quality, "_Old McDonald had a dog and bingo was his name-o."_

"Well fuck, there goes my OWL grade," Hermione muttered bitterly.

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><p><strong>Oooooooh, Hermione's pissed. What did you think? The mirror thing seemed a bit unrealistic but I figured they needed some way to keep spying. Review me.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Warning for traumatised Snape.**

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><p>Chapter 12<p>

The absolute and undeniable proof that I had rubbed off on Hermione was when she idly mused about using a spork to dig the fat bitch that was Umbridge's eyes out. I hummed in longing to tell her to go for it. Actually I briefly considered killing her as a time saver, and _justice,_ another part of me thought viciously. The rest of the feast passed in little more than an annoying haze while I tried to force as much of the great Hogwarts food that I never thought I would have again, into my stomach.

I was right about one thing, currently, presently and at this very moment… I could not handle the glory of an undestroyed Hogwarts filled with the bluster and chatter of happy, not-dead, because plenty of them had been undead, children. As I prepared to go to the common room and deal with the incoming confrontation Snape slinked past to drop me a reminder.

"I will see you in my office for detention," he said silkily, swooping out of the room with his cloak billowing around him like Batman. I tilted my head to the side.

"Blimey," Dean said in surprise, his mouth dropping open. "Eric, how did your sister get detention already?" he asked. Faint amusement coated the faces of our nearest holiday guests.

"She unleashed a level of snark see before only out of the mouth of Snape," he answered, "And then dared him to come between her and her morning coffee." Hmm, I hadn't realised that they had heard that. "And that wasn't the craziest thing Lina pulled this summer," Eric continued, a note of pride in his voice. For a brief moment I wondered if he was talking about my anti-Vold moment or Serena.

"Lina?" Dean questioned.

"Yeah so it took a while to shorten the horror that is my name," I said shrugging, "Sue me. Does anyone have a problems with me messing with our dear professor?" The last question I asked so demurely that it made the ones who had any idea shudder.

"He'll be in a mind healing ward by the end of the month," Fred snorted with a shake of his head, followed by a bright smile.

"Have fun," George said waving me off. I made my way through the castle using several short cuts that weren't even on the map and having to pause for the sake of my mental health just as many times. My magic tingled forcefully under my skin as desolation crept over me. I let my magic bleed into the wards, strengthening them and was relieved when the migraine that had become part of daily life eased and the strain lifted. I let out a content sigh. Of course this was only a temporary fix. The moment I stepped outside of the wards it would snowball me.

"You're late," Snape said without a sneer. In fact the polite tone almost gave me a heart attack.

"You're astute," I replied, making it clear that I didn't care. On the table there laid all sorts of ingredients and a black cauldron. Maybe he was about to make a potion or something. Meh, wasn't any of my business.

"Don't you take that cheek with me," he snarled, the polite veneer sliding off like a skanks dress, "You will watch your mouth or I will put Gryffindor so far into the negatives that it will take a week to get out of them." _Suc-cess_. I gave myself a mental pat on the back, before deciding what the hell? All in. Stick, meet bear.

"Oh dear, you mistake me for someone that cares. How cute," I said swinging myself up so I was sitting on his desk, "Now, I helped you out and you gave me detention. What do you want honey?" His eyes glittered with fury, but the reminder that he wanted something from me seemed to calm him.

"You will teach me the modifications to the potions you gave me," he said as if it were an instruction. I looked him up and down, giving him the once over before chuckling lightly.

"You know how sometimes extraordinary and unlike things happen that make you feel like you stepped into another dimension?" I said gazing unfocusedly on a spot just over his right shoulder, "Let me give you a for instance, I am about as a completely Slytherin question."

"And what pray tell is that?" Snape demanded softly. I leaned forwards.

"What the fuck's in it for me?" I asked brightly, "Surely as head of Slytherin you can appreciate such a question?" He looked at me blankly and I couldn't believe that he didn't see that one coming. I mean really?

"And why should there be anything other than a bearable school life in it for you?" he asked me, raising what was once an intimidating eyebrow. Time and war had dimmed its effect.

"Because of the position you're in," I said absently fiddling with a lock of my hair.

"And what position is that?" he enquired. To be fair to Snape, words that I never wanted to think again, let alone utter, there were many things I could be talking about. The relationship between my father and him, being a spy, or his general assholism.

"Two men on the opposite sides of a war have got you by the short and curlies honey," I said truthfully, "Do you have any idea what that means?" He sent me a scathing look that I probably deserved, because hey it was his life.

"Do enlighten me," he drawled in a voice coated in more sarcasm than Lily put syrup on her pancakes. That, of course, meant that it was on.

"Other than the fact that two men over seventy have their hands on your balls," I said nonchalantly watching with deep satisfaction as he winced with horrified eyes, paler than normal skin and a distinctly ill look on his face, "It means that my secrets can't be you're secrets until I know you're not going to give them up as a lesser evil when whomever is squeezing hard enough to think that you're going to lose one. So bottom line, get your balls back and then we'll talk."

I sat there for a few minutes and watched the blank look on his face. With all of Snape's spying and, as loath as I am to admit it, self-control, I didn't think that it would be so easy to break him. Never the less I'm sure if I shook him I'd hear the fragments of his mind I'd probably just shattered rattle around in his head. I popped up and made my way to the door.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked, managing to snap himself out of it much to my pleasure. I stared at him for a moment.

"To bed," I replied as if I was telling the truth.

"You still have detention," he answered firmly. I repressed a groan and swung around.

"Really? Dick move Batman," I grumbled. He was about to retort when his fire went off. I made my way into his private store room when he began to speak. Looking over the jars and general organisation of the room my nose twitched in disgust.

"You better not be pocketing anything," Snape warned after coming into the room after his call.

"Nah, I have better suppliers," I comment before realising that I shouldn't have admitted that, "How the hell do you find anything in here? I don't know what your system is, but it's terrible."

"Don't even think about messing about with anything. I already have everything perfectly set up," he pretty much growled at me, "I have to go, you will stay here until I come back. Don't touch anything, don't move, in fact when possible refrain from breathing. You are to try and contemplate a less annoying existence."

"Ten-four," I said sitting down cross-legged and throwing him a mock salute. He glared at me for a moment and then swept out of the room. My attention was drawn back to the shelves of chaos and I grimaced again before muttering to myself, "There has got to be a better way to do this."

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><p><strong>I'll leave imagining Snape's reaction to you. Enjoy and Review me.<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I also formally apologise for the last chapter semi-cliff hanger of Snape's reaction. Sorry I took so long. I was trying to get more done on my book and the new fic of mine, universally screwed. Go check it out.**

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><p>Chapter 13<p>

"What did you do?" Snape asked in a horrified, yet still surprisingly dignified sounding tone.

"I fixed it," I said proudly, "Your former system made no sense, so I use my own personal system where everything opens out laterally." I indicated with my fingers going out like a blooming flower, "Specie's, genesis and relative use. It's much better."

"Get out," he whispered in a deadly voice. I frowned as if I didn't understand, my nose crinkling like I was confuse. He watched me sit there for another scant second before her started bellowing like a madman. "GET OUT! GET OUT! _GET! OUT!_" he raged, throwing jars that I dodged in amusement, and walked calmly out the door careful to avoid them. I put my ear to the door a few moments after I left and I could swear I heard the man softly weeping.

Considering that my kind deeded for the populace of Hogwarts, both making Snape cry and improving his system because it really was horrid, I hummed aimlessly to myself and began to walk back to the tower. I made my way up to the girl's dorms through the eerily empty common room and pulled off most of my clothes before climbing into bed. I soon discovered that even here in the only home I had ever truly had, after what had taken place here, sleeping in my own bed left me cold. No matter how many blankets, or warming charms I had.

"The fuck?" I heard Hermione utter. Which of course caused a storm around all the other girls that hadn't witnessed her change from uptight, to just right Hermione. I let them chatter and heard her responses to them all before she turned back to me. "When did you get that tattoo?" she asked me.

"Oh, one of the first times I snuck out, pre-Serena," I said with a shrug, realising that I probably should have thought to put enough thought into things to actually put my pyjamas on and not just strip down to my knickers and crawl into bed. I buried my face into my pillow and contemplated having to go about my first day of fifth year all over again.

"That explains your amusement when you called us you're darlings, you met capital D, still I didn't take you for a Peter Pan enthusiast," Hermione spoke running her cool fingers over the lines. I sat up and stretched, ignoring the spluttering of Lavender and Parvarti and the top half of my body was bared for all of room to see. Hermione glanced down at my silky aqua, black lace panties.

"Want to know where I got them?" I asked offhandedly getting up and starting to dress.

"Nah, want to know how to get into them," she says with fervent appreciation.

"I'm sorry, what?" Parvarti squealed, while Lavender looked giddy enough to faint with the juicy gossip that had just fallen into her lap. I smirked at them both.

"She likes what she sees, can you blame her," I said twirling around half dressed before turning back to Hermione, "But what will your Weasley harem think?"

"I don't have a harem," she denied, "I don't. I only slept with Ginny once… okay maybe a couple of times, and Fred, George and I have a thing."

"A threesome thing," I teased her.

"Yes, but still it's not like they've asked me out or anything, so there not my boyfriends," she argued, "Not to mention I'm pretty sure that all I have to say is that I'll show them a pensive memory later." I laughed, thinking that no matter how possessive the twins are, they're still men-ish and watching there missus – because whether she accepted or acknowledged it or not, that's what she was, get it on with another woman will get them every time.

"You're gorgeous honey, but the twins seeing me live action replay doesn't really do it for me," I chuckled kissing her on the temple. Hermione laughed. "Hey I think we broke Lavender," I said noncommittally, "Also, I think I might of murdered Snape's soul. His potion storage system blew so I re-did it while he was off doing whatever he was doing. So if he seems a little dead inside this morning, my bad." I think the cracking sound I heard was the sound of her mind breaking.

"Only you Lina," Hermione blew out a sigh, I went to leave and found Parvarti clinging to my arm nervously. Cheeks flushed, as she struggled to look up and she bit her lip.

"I don't blame Hermione at all," she said bravely, referring to my earlier question. I smiled and moved into her personal space and placed a hand on my hip while Lavender gasped and Hermione groaned.

"Well then pretty lady, want to join me for breakfast?" I purred, watching a harder blush stain her chocolate skin. She nodded and took my offered hand.

"Lina, this is the wizarding world, you can't _'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am'_ her," Hermione scolded, "Parvarti probably doesn't even know what it means." I raised an eyebrow.

"Sugar, until I explained it to, you didn't know what it meant," I teased back, because she didn't.

"You… you two are, you're?!" Lavender groped around trying to find the right word.

"Not a couple of stuck-up, uptight, virginal Miss Priss, rule bitches?" I inquired with a clandestine smile. She paused for a minute before nodding.

"I was actually going to say slightly lesbo, but that will do," she said fervently.

"If you spread this around the school," I started only to be cut off by Parvarti who knew her best friend too well.

"When," she interrupted.

"I was trying to be semi-polite, but let's face it you're right. When you spread this around the school, Hermione and I are personality over gender," I informed her, "No repercussions will be visited on you from me. Actually, screw with people as much as you can, it'll be hysterical."

"You have no idea what you've unleashed," Hermione groaned. I merely smiled and took Parvarti's hand with a flirty smile and started to walk down to breakfast.

"Mmm don't care. I have a breakfast date with the Indian personification of beauty," I purred, making Parvarti blush adorably.

"Maybe you can teach me about this _'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am'_ thing," she said with a sexy smirk. I let out a laugh.

"If you're willing to wait until after class, I'll give you a private demonstration," I offered, I wasn't expecting her to take me up on it, but never the less it was fun to flirt with her and treat her like a princess. All I had to do now was make sure that I didn't lose it, in the horrid memories of her sister being mind-controlled into digging her eyes out with a fork and eating them. Or was it the other way around? I couldn't remember. My stomach lurched and I cut off exactly how much worse it had gotten, because I smelled choc-chip pancakes and had the intention of actually being able to eat them. Eric took one look at me generally flirting and enjoying Parvarti's company and sighed, rolling his eyes, letting out a slightly amused chuckle as he did so.

"Should I tell Serena that's its over?" Neville quipped, as he noticed what Eric had found so funny.

"Serena and I were only every friends," I said demurely, "And you boys know how cold it gets up here in winter…" I let the sentence trail off, and entertained myself with the looks of disbelief that was supported by the in hearing general Gryffindor populace.

"Don't worry, I'm sure I can think of some way to help," Parvarti said coyly.

"I'm sure you will Sweetie," I said back smiling and offering a bit of pancake off of my fork that she took without a second thought. I didn't think I'd ever get anywhere with her and that was fine. It was just nice to pretend to be a normal teenager for once.

"Holy crap, Lina what did you to?" Ron asked, pausing in his breakfast-a-thon. I looked over to where he was gazing. Hmm, maybe a little dead inside was to gentle a term. I felt a little bad, he looked like I sucked out his soul…. Put it in a blender and hit frappe. Poor Snape. Okay so I didn't actually voice these thought out loud, I merely gazed over my glass and said.

"I only meant to break Snape a little bit," I said in a not so pretend guilty tone before adding in faux surprise, "I didn't know that I was _that _good." Cue the snorting, choking and spraying of breakfast foods of every dirty minded teenager in hearing vicinity. Ah, mission accomplished.

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><p><strong>Not my best chapter, but important. Ish. Maybe. Okay maybe it was purely for my own amusement, but think of it like this. If you laughed I'm off the hook.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is just for my amusement. Read and enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 14<p>

When Professor McGonagall handed me my time table I groaned aloud. Double Snape, history, divination, and double Umbitch. I'd forgotten how much fifth year Monday's sucked balls. There were confirmation groans coming from my fellow classmates, and then all too soon it was time for potions.

"Are you sure you want to partner with me?" Neville asked again for what seemed like the hundredth time, while we waited for Snape. He had snapped out of it a little, but his usual entrance was a little lacklustre and nowhere near Batman standards.

"Neville, its potions not sex, we'll be fine," I assured him. Unfortunately Pansy heard that comment and shrieked raucously with something that I think was supposed to be laughter. Due to the fact that it sounded like someone was torturing a poodle I doubt that I could be blamed if I guessed wrong.

"Sleeping with Longbottom, and I thought you could get any less pathetic," she snorted, "But then, it isn't really a surprise." I looked at her briefly, giving her a once over before turning back to the board, but the Nev tried to defend my honour – isn't that cute? – And she started to pick on him.

"I… we, I'm not…" Neville stammered bright red.

"She's not serious, if I were her I wouldn't be either," Pansy cackled, "Even if you are both filthy blood-traitors." I hummed in speculation, and turned to Neville.

"I don't know, hey Nev, let me see your hands," I said grabbing one, he held it out unsteadily like he was scared I was going to cut it off or something.

"What are you doing, checking to see if you're going to get diseases from touching him," she scoffed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Snape watching us, and it didn't look like he planned to interfere. Good.

"Nah," I said good-naturedly, "I'm checking to see how big his penis is. You know what they say about men with big hands." I held his large calloused hand out for her to see, holding it by the knuckle of his index finger. Pansy's face flushed and her mouth dropped open. I leant forwards and pushed it closed, where it made on audible click. "You know Neville, we might have to make a date," I said, and handed him a handkerchief as his nose started bleeding.

"You're a whore," Malfoy snorted contemptuously as a still shocked Pansy was led into her seat by a fellow Slytherin. I laughed.

"You're just saying that because with hands like yours you're lucky you're rich," I shot back. At that point it became apparent to our dear professor that none of his snakes knew the rules to this game and class was called to attention. Class ended, with a perfect potion left on Snape's desk and we trekked our way to history, in which I planned of how to dispose of the toad. Preferably in a way that leaves her in a public disgrace, unable to get a job and lovely holiday at Isle Azkaban. Then next class was spent googling the answers for all the questions in divination, and watching with disbelief as our professor ranted about our inner eye finally making an appearance.

"What's your plan with getting rid of Umbridge?" Fred and George said together, sitting on either side of me.

"What makes you think I have a plan?" I asked, I did have a plan but that was beside the point.

"Because if you don't we may just use some of your shiny toys to kill her," they said together again.

"You're not using my sex toys to beat her to death," I said with a straight face, "If you like them so much get your own, there are some things that just aren't meant to be shared." There was more choking and I sighed a happy sigh. "Ah," I said cheerfully, "You're all so easy, and such good sports."

"Either way, let us know when you have a plan, because if you don't now by the end of your first lesson you will," Fred said to me in an unusually grave manner. I smiled yet another smile that I didn't mean and wanted to get back to the Potter townhouse. Being back at Hogwarts was too hard.

"Good afternoon class," Professor Umbridge said with her sickly sweet faux voice. The one that made you want to put something sharp through your temple after prolonged exposure. Even if I hadn't lived this all before, the second she made it known that she expected us to chant back to her like preschool kiddies, was enough to know that I couldn't deal with her for an entire year. I let Hermione try and talk about her course of aims again, pointing out the lack of practical magic and let her debase and try to defraud any good teacher we had, along with myself, and then state firmly that Voldemort wasn't back.

"And where do you think you're going?" she screeched as I stood up, and prepared to leave.

"I was under the impression that this was a defence class, as I was clearly mistaken, I'm leaving," I said as calmly as I could managed, "Enforced ministry thinking isn't really my thing. Particularly when taught by a woman that wouldn't know what the truth if it bit her in the ass. Goodbye madam Umbridge." Her face turned red with outrage and I felt a thrum of well-deserved satisfaction.

"It's Professor Umbridge," she sneered, in that sweet high pitched voice.

"Professor indicates that you're a teaching professional. Hell I'd settle for one, but you're neither teaching nor a professional anything, ass-kisser isn't included," I retorted lightly.

"You-know-who is not back," she yelled violently, her chest heaving with ruddy cheeks bulging. Spittle flew from her mouth and my face screwed up in disgust.

"Yes he is, I saw it," I said flatly before maintaining a joking sort of voice, "But hey whatever helps you sleep at night. You know what they say in situations like this, it's always the stupid that die in the beginning."

"And what is that supposed to mean," she demanded.

"You mean other than the fact that you should start looking into life insurance?" I said examining my nails. The classroom filled with the sounds of multiple people taking sharp intakes of breath, and they watched with wide eyes.

"Are you insinuating that I'm stupid?" she gasped furiously.

"No," I said brightly, "I'm stating it outright."

"Detention," she hissed, before calming herself and pulling out a horridly pink piece of paper out of her bag and writing on it, "Take this to Professor McGonagall." I took the piece of parchment between my finger and my thumb gingerly and held it away from my body like it was diseased.

"Mum's going to kill you," Eric said solemnly as I made my way out the door.

"It's okay, I'll just hide behind Uncle Remus," I said with a shrug, "When he hears that I was fighting with _her_, not even mum will be able to say anything." With that I made my way up to see my head of house and contemplated how this was going to go. Especially since after I joined that Order meeting that one time she knew all about my new tolerance for bullshit. That is to say, very little.

"Why Potter, why?" the older witch sighed, pulling off her glasses and cleaning them.

"I was just going to leave, I swear," I protested, "And then she started talking at me, about where did I think I was going, why did I call her madam instead of Professor? So I told her, and I might have mentioned that she should look into life insurance because when the attacks start it's the stupid people that die first."

"Have a biscuit," she said finally, sliding the tin of ginger newts towards me. Apparently this was going to go exactly like it did last time. "You can't speak you're mind in her class, you know to whom she reports," she said regretfully. This time around I actually noticed it, which made her telling me to keep my head down less irritating.

"No problem-o," I said empathetically, "Mostly because I'm not going to go to her classes. Brainwashing is boring and I'd probably hex her. Just to prove why we need to know the spells in a real life situation."

"You can't," she started, before winding down, "Actually, that's probably best. I'll need to inform your parents though." I smiled at her.

"Don't worry, I have a feeling she'll be out of here soon," I said truthfully, "And then can you do me a favour. Don't let Dumbledore hire someone that is… how do you say _'more of an annoying pain in the arse than Lockhart?'_ in layman's terms?"

"Do I want to know why you think she'll be gone soon?" she asked, eyes glittering with something like hope or approval. Either that or it was just desperation to get the annoying bitch out of the castle.

"The thing is," I lean forward and hunch over like I was unsure of myself, "Somehow when she said detention it reeked of something illegal."

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><p><strong>Ah, Umbridge… that bitch. Points to Lina for being smarter this time around. In the other dimension she reacted fairly cannon. So review and tell me what you think.<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is all in good fun. Warning for Jack and his old fashioned ideals. It's only mentioned in passing, but now it's generally referred to as illegal. Enjoy and review.**

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><p>Chapter 15<p>

I left the professor to ponder over that and decided that it was time to get on with my other plans. I had an appointment with a certain vampire, who still wasn't happy with me for making him sparkle. However when I was about to leave I caught sight of a shoeless Luna looking, what I had learned in the other dimension, was distinctly miserable for Luna.

"Do you want me to beat them up, because I'll beat them up," I said seriously before I could stop myself. The awed, shocked look and the eyes that misted with tears was heart breaking.

"Why… why would you do that?" she asked in a dreamy voice, "Nobody else bothers with me."

"We're friends aren't we?" I asked in a warm voice, before it became mock affronted, "I thought we were friends." She smiled so brightly I almost had to look away and it hurt that she was so lonely that this was making her so happy, but on the other hand I was happy that I was able to make her so happy.

"Of course, I'd love to be your friend. I've never had a friend before," she chimed enthusiastically.

"I'll bet that means you've never gone on an adventure with a friend, or broken the rules with them or share a secret," I gushed, as though I had just thought of it. A hurt look crossed her face.

"Are you making fun of me?" she murmured sadly.

"No, I was just wondering if you'd like to cross them of your bucket list," I offered. Although I could see she had no idea what a bucket list was, she was ecstatic at the idea.

"Yes," she breathed joyfully. I shot her a smile and pulled her in the direction of the one-eyed witch. She looked so excited to be included in something that I immediately wanted to beat up her good for nothing housemates whether she liked it or not.

"Come on," I said ushering her into an almost modern looking building, and watching her gasp in awe. A smiling Jack met us in the middle of the main room and held out his hand.

"I'm Lina's friend Luna," she introduced herself proudly, "Where are we?"

"We, Darling, are in a, what will be, dance club," I said proudly, "I came here today to help fix it up and decorate it so it'll be ready for business. Do you want to help?"

"Yes," she squealed, and we spent hours fixing up the dust and dirt, painting the walls a hypnotic purple colour and picking out furniture from catalogues, all the while listening to muggle music. By the time it was dinner time we had done the cleaning and most of the first coat of painting. Our tongues had been stained the colour of our houses, by drinking obnoxious coloured vodka cruisers. Raspberry for me, and blueberry for Luna.

"Hey girls, take it off," Jack yelled while we were dancing.

"She's fourteen perv," I shouted back at him. He muttered something under his breath about girls being married with children during his childhood. I calmly told him to go fuck himself, because dinosaurs no longer roamed the earth.

"Bitch," he muttered at me, Luna however linked arms and prepared to leave. "Hey, did you have a name for this place?" Jack asked before we could vacate the building. I paused and gazed at the slightly insane blonde next to me. There was no getting around it, she was a little nuts but that was how I liked her.

"Lunacy, let's call it Lunacy," I said strongly as I was able to with the daunting idea of returning to Hogwarts. I had to get back soon anyway. I was still close enough to the castle that my magic hadn't detached from the wards. I didn't want to think about what could happen if I stayed away much longer or strayed too much further away.

"You… you are the best friend ever," Luna shrieked drunkenly throwing herself in my arms. Tears pouring down her face in streams that belayed the joyful laughter bubbling from her throat. At the doors to the great hall people stared at us. It could have been any number of things. Our happy, mainly Luna's, laughter, the hands clasped together, or the purple paint that speckled us liberally.

"Hey, you guys all remember Luna," I said pulling her to sit down at the table next to us. I was worried when Luna sort of drifted away the first time. I knew she wasn't the Luna I had known, but I worried for her. Now that I had reintroduced her, she seemed to click into place. Filling in some little niche that the others hadn't realised they were missing.

"Do I even want to know how you got covered in paint?" Parvarti said with a laugh as I watched the other chat to each other happily.

"Oh, I was just out having a little fun," I returned with a wry smile.

"Yes well after you left DADA it was positively horrendous and to top it off boring to," she pouted adorably. I took a deep breath and forced myself to concentrate on what she was saying and not how being back in Hogwarts made me feel. On one hand, my magic was being less difficult, on the other… well I really don't have to explain that again do I?

"Glad that I brightened up you're day sweetness," I say digging into as much of dinner that I allowed myself. One day I could need to survive on very little food. Shrinking my stomach wasn't an eating disorder, it was smart. Soon dinner was over and I got changed in preparation for my detention. Later I wouldn't want anyone questioning where the purple paint had come from, nor why it was on me. Sedately I walked to the toad's office and wondered if she was as deranged as she was in the last dimension in this one.

She stood with an oddly stretched smile on her face, and a very familiar black quill on the desk with a stack of parchment, devoid of an ink pot. Game, set and match. I would give her one chance to walk away, and after that… I'll ruin her.

"Miss Potter," she spoke as if delighted, but I could see the way her milky blue eyes narrowed that she was still furious about the scene I had caused her. Perhaps it was the fact that I had made students ask questions that she couldn't answer, or maybe she was just embarrassed. It didn't matter, underneath the more obviously present crazed glee, there was dark anger lurking under her skin. "I want you to write the sentence, _'I must not tell lies'_," she instructed.

"How many times?" I asked her dully.

"Oh, until the message… sinks in," she said smirking.

"You haven't given me any ink," I said softly.

"You won't need any ink," she assured me, smugly. I pretend that I have no idea what she's on about and started writing. I see her head tilt as she faces away from me, awaiting a sound that I had too much pride and experience with torture to allow.

"You do realise that there's no way you're actually allowed to do this?" I asked nonchalantly. She let out a horribly nail grating girlish laugh.

"It appears as if you're telling me what I can and cannot do in my own classroom, Miss Potter," she said as if amused before her voice turned hard and devoid of any of her personal masking whims, "Write. Until I tell you to stop." I held her gaze for a moment, before dropping it as if cowed. The worse it was, the more trouble she would be in, but was I willing to bear the pain and scars to get her thrown out of the castle. I thought of all the damage she had done, and heartache she had caused. Yes, yes I was.

My hand sped along the page as fast as I could with as many lines as I could muster while she sat marking papers. I shuddered to think what kind of homework she would assign. When the parchment had been written on both sides I slid it off the table so it would hit the floor. When I was out of parchment I pulled some out of my bag, and when she finally looked up at my light cough the floor was covered in them. I had gemino'ed the quill, the real one stuffed down my bra, and at least five pieces of parchment had been stuffed into my bag.

"Yes," she said in a darkly satisfied voice, "Yes, you may leave. You shall return tomorrow." Fat chance of you being here tomorrow, I thought, satisfied myself.

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><p><strong>Hmm, not sure of what I think of this chapter. I might re-write it before I post it. Anyway what did you think? Yay or nay? Review!<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This chapter came out a little more emotional than funny but you take what you can write, am I right? Anyway I hope you enjoy. The humour returns next chapter.**

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><p>Chapter 16<p>

I was definitely crazy. Umbitch hadn't looked at my hand, if she had she may have stopped me from leaving until the evidence was a little less severe at the very least. My whole hand was a burning, throbbing, bloody mess. The words _'I must not tell lies'_ were embedded so deep that they had scratched into bone. It was searing agony, like I had dipped it in acid, but I focused on keeping my breathing light and controlled. Not thinking about it, not looking at it. It was evidence, and it was necessary. A smaller sacrifice now so I wouldn't have to make bigger ones later.

"Miss Potter?" Professor McGonagall said surprised as I knocked on her office door. My hand had been put behind my back and wrapped with a scrap of cloth that was so dark with blood you couldn't tell what colour it had been previously.

"Professor, I need to use your floo, please?" I asked her politely.

"And why pray tell, would you want to do that?" she asked, staring at me over her glasses.

"If you want Umbridge gone, this is the way to do it," I said steadily, "All you have to do is accompany me to the ministry and I promise you if there is any justice in the world she'll be gone by morning." For a few moments she appeared to be deep in thought, before nodding.

"Very well," she agreed with a sigh. The head of Gryffindor stood and tossed the powder in the fire, calling out the address for the ministry. I followed behind her. In all this little escapade I had forgotten one thing. The ministry was a little far from Hogwarts. My magic snapped away from the wards, exploding into me. I felt weight down, as if I was stuck at the bottom of the ocean. My head started throbbing intensely and I wanted to sob at the overly heavy, and taut strain placed on my body. Forcing myself to my feet after what the professor probably thought was just an ungraceful landing I made my way to the lift. When we reached the department of magical law enforcement I was stopped by Sirius.

"Lina, what are you doing here? Are you alright?" he demanded, stepping closer to me and looking frantic.

"I'm okay Uncle Sirius, do you want to point me to whoever I need to talk to, to press charges against my defence teacher?" I asked him.

"I'll get Amy," he said quietly, "She hates Umbridge and anything you have to get her out of the ministry will be welcome." It was nice to know that even in this world some things never change. Amelia Bones still had a snit against general incompetence, stupidity and injustice.

"Black," the woman in question said coolly as we entered the office.

"My goddaughter would like to press charges against Umbridge," he said with a smirk that said how little he cared for the woman, "I thought that just in case she had something big that you'd want it brought straight to you." She nodded.

"I appreciate this, if you want to sit in as parental supervision it would be a real time saver?" Madam Bones asked politely. He flopped into a conjured chair and I all of a sudden felt nervous. He wasn't going to take this well.

"Now, I got you here," Professor McGonagall said dryly, "So tell us what this is all about." The other two looked surprised when she said that, probably thinking that she had already knew what was going on. I took a deep breath and then let it out.

"I want to formally charge Delores Umbridge for assault and use of a dark object on a minor," I stated clearly, bringing out the bloodstained parchment and placing it on the desk, and fishing the quill out of my bra. After a moment hesitation I unwrapped my hand and laid in on the table, placing all three pieces of evidence on the table in a neat horizontal line. Horrified gasps and the sound of Sirius jumping up and his chair hitting the floor echoed around the room. Professor McGonagall looked positively white, while Sirius was swearing up a storm with creatively brutal death threats thrown in. The good professor was nodding along and even adding in some of her own with some truly head turning Gallic curses, while Madam Bones stared down at me with hard eyes.

"Black, sit down and be quiet," she barked and he did as he was told immediately.

"I'll tell you whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Witches oath, veritiserum, and hand over the memory as evidence," I rattled off in a firm tone of voice, "But I want that woman as far away from children as you can get her, because if I'd shut up about this she would have moved on to other students, maybe even first years. I don't know, what I do know is she's completely fucking psychotic." She nodded.

I spent the next few hours seeing a healer that documented the injury before healing it as best as they could, while giving a statement under truth serum. I trusted Madam Bones to keep them from asking questions they shouldn't. Them being the ever curious order members. I gave an oath, and my memory was copied for evidence. When I was finally patched up and free to go I turned to Sirius.

"Uncle Sirius can I go home tonight?" I asked him tiredly. He nodded and took my uninjured hand, which had been cared for as best it could be, but there would already be a permanent scar. He nodded and waited, as I said goodbye to Professor McGonagall and was surprised when she gave me a solid hug.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop that," she said, voice covered in guilt, "You told us to find a trustworthy defence teacher… it just…"

"Sometime the little things are bigger than you think," I said with a small smile and readopting my cheerful mask, the one that stopped people from realising how bad things actually were. The arms Sirius had wrapped around me as we apperated were shaking, and when we landed he still kept one arm around me. The fingers clenching tightly at my clothes. It was far too much comfort than I deserved and I repressed the urge to pull away.

"We really need to talk about your definition of the word okay kiddo," he said bleakly as we walked up the stairs, and I let him unlock the door. When we made our way to the kitchen and I could finally escape from his warm grip I was surprised to find Lily and James were still awake. Briefly I wondered if they had waited up for Sirius.

"Lina," James said popping up, "What are you doing here." While he sported a purely concerned expressions, Lily's looked a little angry at the idea that I was here and not in school. I looked to Sirius.

"You tell them Uncle Sirius, I need to crash," I said letting out a not altogether fake yawn. He nodded and shooed me upstairs. I think that he understood that I didn't want to be the one to tell them. While I was forming my grand plan, I hadn't thought about this, about them. I wasn't used to people considering, and loving me like family. Even if I wasn't who they thought I was.

I lay curled up, and even semi-comfortable under the warm sheets of the bed in the town house that I had become accustomed to. I let my eyes fall shut, but I couldn't sleep. Not really. So I just let myself relax and pretend everything wasn't about to explode with other things that I didn't know how to handle in the morning. Such as parental concern and indignant defence.

As I heard the door creak open and the light footsteps of the person that made their way across the room I opened my eyes a fraction and managed to identify the person without them working out I was awake. Lily. She shuffled into bed behind me and hugged me to her chest. Small sobs being choked out as she held me and cried.

"My poor baby girl," she whispered raggedly, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again. Never… again." Then she just lay there holding me, and crying and crying, I wasn't sure how long it was, or if she were ever going to stop. So I just laid there and kept my breathing even, pretending to be asleep.

"Oh Lily," James voice sighed. There was pressure on the bed as he sat on my other side.

"I can't… I can't leave her here," Lily pleaded, "Oh god James, she warned us. She wa… warned us and we did… didn't do anything." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and laid down my other side. The two of them cocooning me in warmth, while he comforted his wife. I was too close, getting to far in but the only way to get out of it was to tell them to get off, and to do that I had to be awake. If I was awake I just knew that they'd want to talk about it and I was too tired to go there right now.

Eventually we were joined by Sirius and Remus. Sirius curled up in his dog form at the end of the bed and I think that Remus conjured a pillow and passed out on the floor, and I, seemingly having no other choice, fell into blissful, undreaming sleep.

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><p><strong>Yeah, I have no idea where all that came from but what the hell. Let's just go with it. Review and tell me what you think.<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is all for you, whomever you may be. Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 17<p>

Strangely we all woke up at roughly the same time, and nobody found the knife, which I had clenched in my hand and stuffed under the pillow. I blinked a couple times before the guilt of masquerading in the skin of the girl that was these peoples family made me so nauseous that I almost tipped to the side and heaved.

"Get off me," I grumbled. Lily and James just hummed in negative and inched closer. Burying their faces into my body. So I'd probably have to trick them. "Well why not," I said snuggling back down, "This may be my one chance to spoon a man without having to see him naked first." They both popped up like a jack in the box, eyes wide and almost terrified looking. Sirius's doggy face tilting up as he let out a distressed whine, and Remus let out a feral grow, eyes werewolf amber.

"What?" James whimpered. I bounced up and strolled towards the door.

"You guys are so easy," I said with a snort, but before I could escape out the door I slammed shut and there was an audible clicking sound as it locked. Hesitantly I turned and let out a groan. "Aw fuck, you want to do the talking thing don't you?" I asked with a cringe.

"Catalina Rose Potter, get your butt here right now," Lily order firmly. I repressed the urge to let out a very un-Gryffindor eep, and edged my way around them. I tried thinking of a way out, a window to climb out of, a way to the bathroom so I could drown myself and escape this conversation. Apparently I took too long, because Remus decided to scoop me up and throw me over his shoulder. I found myself sitting on his lap, held tightly enough that I could barely move. I wiggle and tried to get away but the strong arms around me were like magically enforced goblin steel bands holding me in place.

"Bad dog," I said finally getting an arm free enough to tap him on the nose hard. A deep rumbled filled his chest that I felt more than heard. "Uncle Remus," I whined. He froze and his grip went immediately lax. Now that I could have moved I didn't. He seemed to be having some kind of freak out, now that his wolf had quietened down, amber eyes becoming their usual colour. He placed me gently on the bed squarely in the middle of the other bed and then moved to leave.

"Remus?" Sirius said quietly, after transforming himself back into a human. He didn't respond. Oh hell no does this get to happen, I decided with a frown.

"Oi," I yelled at him, "Where the hell do you think you're going? Whatever wolfish thing that happened, it's fine. Doesn't matter how your wolf sees me, I'm not going to hate you, or anything. Now get you're skinny arse over here because if I have to stay you're sure as fuck not going anywhere." I half expected a reprimand for my language but it seemed that they'd given up on trying.

"You're wrong about not hating me," he said softly taking a seat on the bed again.

"I could put my money where my mouth is if you like," I offered, unbothered. This was Remus, and short of finding out that he eats babies or something, that was just never going to happen. His self-deriding smirk was slightly feral. Sirius flicked me in the arm.

"Nice try missy," he said glaring at me lightly, "But I think we were about to have another important conversation." I wasn't sure if he was helping with the indecision on Remus's face, or if he truly thought that the other conversation was more important.

"And what might that be?" I asked as if I truly had no clue.

"Umbridge," Lily said flatly, just the name making malice seep into her tone like poison. The amber of Moony's gathering awareness flashed in Remus's eyes.

"Specifically, why when you found out what she was going to do you didn't try to leave," Sirius spoke again, "The funny feeling you told Minerva about, that she was going to do something illegal."

"She's gone now, it doesn't matter," I said brushing it off, "It had to be done and now it's dealt with." I froze as I realised that I'd said wrong.

"It had to be done?" James asked, "You let her."

"Wrong way around, I meant to say it's been dealt with and it's done," I told them.

"That doesn't mean that you didn't mean what you said," Lily informed me. They all shot me disbelieving looks and I knew that I was busted. The more I tried to deny it, the worse off it was going to be.

"Yes, okay, fine," I spoke raising my voice a little, "It had to be done. She did a bad job hiding how creepy and completely fucking psychotic she was. She proved how far she was willing to go, and it had to be done. Sometime you make the little sacrifices now, so you don't have to make the big ones later."

"Shit, fuck," James cursed while Sirius let out yet another little perceptive pearl of insight.

"Did you make it worse deliberately while you were doing it?" he asked me, closing his eyes in defeat and desperately wanting me to say no. If I lied, he'd know it.

"Have you ever written with one of those things," I said softly, "Do you really think I could be strong enough." Remus snorted, cutting of any response anyone else would have made before staring me dead in the eyes.

"Yes," he says a hundred percent seriously. I lean forward a little and let a humourless smile grace my lips, while suppressing a bitter laugh that would only hurt them to hear.

"Clever boy," I replied before standing.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked, almost panic in her tone causing me to stop, rather than any conscious decision.

"I have school soon and I need to take a shower," I said truthfully.

"You're not going to school today," she said firmly.

"I thought school was important, getting a good education and whatnot," I inquired in a particularly blasé tone of voice. Lily let out a frustrated little scream that left me starting with surprise.

"This family is more important, you are more important," she shrieked in distress, "You don't have to pretend that you okay, you don't have to take care of everybody – and don't say you don't because you are. We, you. Fuck! Be here, just please be here. Stop walking away, just please." The last part was the desperate plea of a mother at her wits end. It was the same tone she had begged Voldemort for my life in and I couldn't, I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry," I murmured in a dazed tone, "I am so, _so_ sorry, but I can't. I don't know how anymore."

"You look so guilty," Remus said looking at me with something akin to pity, and for a brief moment I wanted to peel at my skin, because that pity, it burnt.

"I feel it," I said truthfully, "Can't we just move on?"

"And how do you plan on doing that after what she did to you?" James asked. I looked at him in sheer disbelief. Was that really even a question?

"The same way I do every other day of the school year," I said rolling my eyes, "I'm going to get up off my arse and go to class." Sirius snorted with disbelieving laughter.

"Promise me," Remus said grabbing my arms roughly after a brief internal struggle and what appeared to be a subsequent loss with Moony, "Promise me you won't put yourself in danger like that again."

"Have I ever been the type to make promises when even an amebae knows that it's one that I really wasn't going to keep?" I asked rhetorically, "If it has to be done, it has to be done. Now put you fucking _'Me man, me have club' _wolf-man instincts back in there bottle and suck it up princess." He let out another displeased growl, and I returned it with a savage sounding cat like hiss. "Hey look I can make animal noise to," I said brightly jerking out of his grip.

"Don't bait him," James said, more amused than scolding, "Trust me, it's never pretty. Go have you're shower."

"Kay, how am I getting back to school?" I asked, grabbing my towel.

"Oh you're still not going back to school today," Lily said firmly, "We're going to have a girl's day. Play Call of Duty, while the boys wait on us hand and foot, like the lower beings of the species that they are. I'll make all your favourites." The men in the room grumbled lightly, but good-naturedly and admittedly they talked a good talk but when I pressed my ear to the bathroom door, I heard there distraught and horrified sounding voices talking. Such a pity, but still it was progress. I can't expect them to learn it right off the bat, but it was nice that while I was around they had decided to do that on the inside.

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><p><strong>This chapter was supposed to bring back the humour but somehow it got depressed in the middle. Opps? Anyway, what did you think?<strong>


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